The Oddities of Two Worlds
by YuzukiSakura1994
Summary: Naruto and friends found an old well which suddenly sucked them in...What horrors await them? Will they manage to get back safely to Konoha? Inuyasha X Naruto crossover. Warnings inside. Read at your own risk.
1. The Fallen Ones

Stop

Stop. First thing to do before starting the story, _**did you check the genre properly**_? Yes? Okay, good. Because this story, no matter how it looks like to you, is a crack fic, like all the other stupid stories we write.

Okay, this story is an Inuyasha Naruto crossover. Excuse us if we tend to over exaggerate on the characters. Couldn't resist.

**Warning:** Tenten, Kagome, Sakura bashing, slight Ino bashing, extreme OOCness and overpowered shinobis. Do you still want to continue?

**Disclaimer:** If I own Naruto or Inuyasha, the characters mentioned above for the bashings would have been dead by now.

**

* * *

**

The Oddities of 2 Worlds

" OOEEEI!! Minna saaaan!!"

Everyone in the clearing simultaneously sighed as they heard this. " Hora…here comes the baka." Kiba sighed, sensing his presence a long time ago. Akamaru, the Inuzuka's ever-so-faithful partner, barked cheerfully at his master's remark.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, you could make out an orange blob in the distance, moving towards the stiff group gathered in the clearing. Finally, after a few more seconds of painful or awkward silence, Naruto, the village's number one hyperactive blond idiot, sprinted smack into Tenten, panting hard.

Once he made sure that oxygen was circulating his body at an even rate, he hurriedly wiped the sweat off his forehead, trampled off a limp Tenten and beamed at the entire group, who was all looking at him. " Eer…Ohaiyo minna! The Great Uzumaki Naruto has finally arrived! Well, was I late?"

Pause. His sentence was greeted with silence, as eleven pairs of angry red bloodshot eyes(Tenten was unconscious) glared back at him. Naruto laughed sheepishly, but then trailed off lamely as nobody showed any response. Finally, Ino, who was standing at the far back, spoke up. " We did agree to meet here at exactly seven in the morning yesterday, right?"

"And what time is it now!?"

" Naruto…it is not right to keep your friends waiting when they have personally called you to come over. Those are the rules."

" You kept us waiting for two hours! Two whole hours!"

" …Prepare to face very agonizing consequences. I shall prepare you for your destiny... As a steaming heap on the floor."

Naruto at once opened his mouth to reply with what probably was a Obito-cum-Kakashi excuse, but was cut off as a loud series of cracks rang through the clearing; Sakura, team seven's last member, had cracked her knuckles menacingly. " Naruto…give me a lame excuse and I will personally make sure you die a very horrible death!"

" No, wait! I can explain…! I..eer..I was late cause yesterday…eer…I had to…had to…" Naruto broke out into cold sweat as the eleven of them stepped menacingly towards him(Tenten was still out cold).

" You had to…?" Repeated a dangerously dark voice on his left. Naruto was sweating profusely now. Sasuke was clenching and unclenching his fists, his eyes just as red as the others, only this time round, his Sharingan wasn't activated.

" I had to…to…to wash my…underpants?" Naruto said uncertainly. At once he knew he had said the wrong thing, because a split second later, he found himself buried under all the sleepy genins-turned-chuunins-turned-jonins, where they all fought to punch every little part of him they could get their hands on. Finally, when they were done, they tossed his limp body to the side of the clearing.

* * *

" So what are we all here for today?" Chouji yawned as he lazily opened his seventh bag of chips. " Outside the old Uchiha compound and all…"

" How would I know?" Shikamaru grumbled. " Sasuke just asked Neji and Hinata to check out something, but then Tsunade declared it too risky to send only two Hyuugas, even though Neji is a Jonin already, so our team was sent and Ino just had to blabber, thus Sakura and Naruto came too, and. …arrgh." The Nara rubbed his temples in frustration.

Chouji looked at his frustrared friend and chuckled as he popped more chips into his mouth. Basically, everyone tagged along since Tsunade gave the former Rookie 9, plus team Gai, a break, for being the 'most hardworking shinobi' in leaf. Since none of them have any missions, so they had all jumped at the slightest event, no matter how small it might be. And Gaara happened to be in town, so Naruto dragged him along and he dragged his siblings with him too.

Most of them were already gathering and crowding over the 'thing' Sasuke wanted them to inspect, which turned out to be an old, decaying and moldy well.

"…Are you sure you're still sane, Sasuke-kun?" Lee asked as his abnormally big eyes peered right into the well. "It looks perfectly fine to me."

" And it smells perfectly fine too." Kiba added, his fingers clamped shut against his nose. " As stinky as century old wells should smell like." Akamaru whined in agreement.

" Shut up. I don't need you guys, of all people, to be the ones questioning my sanity." Sasuke snapped, not really being a morning person.

" So what's the problem, Sasuke?" Neji inquired. "Do you need me to check the water down there?"

" No, this well has been dried up for centuries." Sasuke said. " I just need you to see if there are any things under the well. Portals, animals, chakra signs, etc."

" What did you ask?"

" Because…I think I heard something coming from the well for the past few nights…"Sasuke muttered, absently putting his left ear on ground to hear for any movement beneath. Perhaps it was a mole? No, a mole did not make such a loud sound at night.

This well had been in the Uchiha compound from way before he was born, and was somewhat his and Itachi's favourite spot to practice chakra control. The slippery, mossy, and uneven walls with the fact that this well can go down to be as deep as fifty meters made it extra challenging. You slip and fall, you die. Who knows how deep the old well can go?

Sasuke stopped his musings as he sensed several intense gaze directed on him. " Perhaps we really should get him to a psychiatrist." Whispered Kiba to Hinata, who merely looked at the Uchiha with eyes full of concern.

" Sasuke-kun! Are you really okay? Do you have a fever?" Sakura at once dashed forwards and glomped on one of his arms.. Seeing this and not to be outdone, Ino too, ran forwards to snuggle his other arm. " Oh you poor thing, Sasuke-kun…"

" Get off me at once!"

" But- Sasuke-kuuuun…!"

" Oei! Can someone give me a hand down here??"

Too bad for Sasuke, none of the shinobi were too psyched up about helping the Uchiha out. Some, like Hinata, Chouji and Shikamaru, tried to strike up a mundane conversation so as to appear like they were busy with something, but failed miserably. The rest, Neji, Shino, Tenten, Temari and Kankuro, just to name a few, simply just stood there, either with the do-it-yourself smirk, staring at him blankly, or completely looking uninterested. And of course, there were those few people who simply relished at the sight of Sasuke in a dilemma. Like Naruto.

" Ahahahahahahahaha!!" He laughed somewhat hysterically, pointing a shaky finger at the sore Uchiha before rolling on the floor clutching his stomach. " He's finally gone bonkers! Hahahaha!!"

" Shut up, dope! Isn't it more like the other way round!?" Sasuke snarled, still struggling to free himself from his 'bonds'. " And I did see chakra coming out from the well! You're talking to an Uchiha, you idiots!"

Shikamaru perked up after hearing this. "Are you sure it was chakra?"

" Of course!" Sasuke said, somewhat desperately. " So stop standing there like idiots and help me out here! Tell your pathetic teammate to unhand me at once!"

Shikamaru, after hearing this, leant back against the old well, suddenly looking extra un-motivated. " Why don't you tell that to your teammate instead?" He asked lazily and started digging his ear with his pinky.

" …Okay, okay. I'll check it out." Neji sighed, as veins slowing started to appear on his temples as he activated the Hyuuga bloodline, the Byakugan. He kind of pitied to poor Uchiha. Kind of. " Hmm…I don't see anything under the well. Which is, by the way, freakishly deep for a well that's supposed to be more than a century old."

" What? No chakra signs? Nothing?" Sasuke was so surprised that he unconsciously shoved both Ino and Sakura off himself roughly. The fell down on their butts with a yelp of surprise at the sudden movement, but everyone ignored them, turning their attention to the agitated Uchiha instead.

" I saw it!" He was telling the group and petting the well. Eighty percent on the rest had their eyebrows raised, all in a silent 'Uh-huh'.

"You really alright Uchiha?" Kankuro asked, his voice heavily tainted with bemusement. Sasuke knew the group were already half-convinced that he was mad since it was Kankuro of all people who was saying that. And Kankuro never cared about other people's welfare. Never.

" The Sharingan may not really be suited for tracking down things, but it still can see chakra, okay." Sasuke scowled at them all. " And I know it's abnormal, because normal chakra is blue, whereas this is…" He hesitated and glanced at the well.

" This is…?" Questioned Hinata.

" Okay, I know it sounds stupid, but it's pink. Hideously pink." Sasuke said rapidly, wanting to get this over and done with. " And I can't bear to have this repulsive pink glow outside my window every single night, from seven to seven, every single day. I hate pink."

" PINK!" Came a loud exclamation coming from the back of the shinobis. It was none other than Naruto, who was wheezing away, clutching his chest painfully from laughing too much at the Uchiha before. Upon hearing what Sasuke had recently announced, however, he promptly burst back into howls of laughter again. No one else got the joke, however, and thus, everyone just ignored him.

" Jaa, that means you prefer purple?" Ino squealed excitedly as she gave a smug look to Sakura. Said girl plopped down to floor, gloom marks appearing on her face. "…Doesn't like pink… Doesn't like pink… Doesn't like pink… Doesn't like pink…" She could be heard mumbling to herself.

Sasuke blinked. " Hardly. After spending about two to three years where I wake up to purple every single day, you would've think I hated that particular colour more than anything else. In other words, I loathe purple."

" Sonna…" Ino wailed and joined in with Sakura in the gloomy corner, muttering ' He hates purple' and 'I've always wore purple' and other things similar to that.

" Okay, that settles it. Probably that thing, whatever it is, only activates during the night. So we'll come over later on to investigate it more thoroughly, alright Sasuke?" Shikamaru yawned and announced to the group. " Meanwhile, you're all free to go."

" Tch. So we came here for nothing. What a waste of time." Kankuro groaned, briefly looking up at the sun to roughly check the time, then he turned to his brother and sister. " Hey, it's only about ten in the morning. Should we just head back to the inn now?"

" Eh? That'll be a waste of energy. Gaara, you'll have to meet the Hokage in an hour's time, right?" Temari whined. " Can't we all just sit here and…let them entertain us for a while? Gaara?"

Both Temari and Kankuro turned to his little brother. Gaara gave a noncommittal grunt in reply. "I'll take that as a yes, then." Temari said, and they all turned back to look at the bunch of restless Konoha shinobis.

" Hey…so what are we gonna do now? I am booored." Kiba whined. He absently petted Akamaru as they sat, basking in the morning sun. Akamaru barked in agreement.

" In that case, Kiba-san, want to have a nice youthful spar with me?" Lee overheard the Inuzuka's groans and came to help. "It is still early and since we have been sitting here the entire morning to attend this youthful gathering of friends, a good morning spar should do our muscles some good-"

" Thanks, but I'll pass." Kiba interrupted and waved the older boy off, having heard only the first sentence. He leant back against Akamaru like a lazy dog and moaned. " I shouldn't have come…and there not enough time left to practice my new combo attack too…"  
" Hey, hey, hey. Why not we just wait a little while longer, then at twelve, we can head out to the nearby barbeque restaurant for lunch?" Chouji suggested mildly to the group.

" Sounds alright to me." Tenten agreed. " But in the meantime, have someone entertain us. Or I might die of boredom."

" Naruto, you do it." Neji said.

" Eh?!" Naruto, who was just about to tease Sasuke on having endured nights with a pink well in his backyard, turned to Neji and pouted. " Why me?"

" You're the one who made us waste two hours anyway, so could can repent by entertaining us for another two more hours.." Neji said, heading to towards the trees for shade. He leant against one and folded his arms. " Besides, I really don't want to let Tenten die out here. She deserves a more horrendous death. This is too peaceful."

" Why? Are you really worried about me?" Tenten smiled at her teammate, somewhat surprised and a bit embarrassed, not having caught the last two sentences. Neji, her stony faced, ever so emotionless teammate, was actually showing some concern for her!

" No. Why would I be?" Neji drawled. " Its really just because I don't want to carry your dead carcass back to the village. And I know I'll be forced into that job, since Lee can't really carry anything properly without dropping it at least ten times, and I'll look like an irresponsible teammate if it don't help either you or Lee…"

" Okay, okay, I got it." Tenten snapped and went to a corner to sharpen her precious weapons. A loud clink clink clink could be heard as she furiously rubbed the chunks of metals against a hard rock. ' I knew it's too good to be true…' She thought crossly, spat in disgust on the floor, and went back to sharpening her weapons harder than ever.

" Errm…" Naruto sweat dropped at the conversation and turned to Neji, who was coolly fanning himself in the shade, looking somewhere into the distance. " Does that mean I don't have to entertain anyone else now?"

" No." Came his immediate reply.

" It is only proper that you should keep us amused, since you are the only one who broke them it the first place, coming late today." Spoke a quiet voice from the other side of Neji. " That is etiquette."

" Gyaah!" Naruto groaned. " Not Shino too! If you want me to act, then just say it properly! Geez, with your long windy speech I have a hard time deciphering what you're trying to say! "

Shino, not at all pleased about being criticized on his talking manners (he was using the polite and proper verb forms!), put his hands into his pocket and picked another tree five meters away from Neji and leant against it. " Fine. Naruto, perform for me right now." He said simply.

" You…are seriously pissing me off, Shino." Naruto growled.

" O-Oei! Naruto's gonna perform!" Kiba's loud cry rang out. Naruto winced. In just half a minute, he had all the shinobis attention as everyone besides him (and Sakura, Ino, and Tenten, who was still in their own world) was under the shade, leaving him standing foolishly out in the large, open clearing.

" Go on." Said Kiba expectantly, as he made himself cozy in the dry patch of grass. " Do the cha-cha or something." Akamaru, acting as backup support for his master as usual, gave a loud bark in agreement. Needless to say, Naruto was not happy.

* * *

Naruto was, as usual, making a fool out of himself, but at least this time, he did it on purpose. Fancy that. Here he was, making his kage bunshins pile up against each other, just to entertain his friends. Not that his natural clumsiness made anything easier. ' Laugh, laugh at me all you want.' He scowled sourly at the rest of the genins sitting under the lovely cool shade. He sure wasn't laughing. ' Why the hell am I doing something as stupid as this in the first place anyway?' He thought furiously as he created more kage bunshins to replace the one who had just fell.

Not everyone was paying attention to him, however. The Uchiha for one, was sitting on the brim of the well, crossed legged and crossed armed, with a scowl even darker than Narutos'. He sat there, pondering about this well, heels tapping hard against it. 'It's all your fault.' He glared at the old well, but it did not show any response whatsoever, just standing there, as immobile as ever. ' Can't you just glow at the correct time? Glowing at night when I'm trying to sleep and not at all when I was trying to prove you to the others.'

Maybe the other shinobis were right; he was definitely cracking up. Could it be from the sleepless nights because of this old well, or is it the delayed symptoms of having spent too much time in isolation with sane humans? Whatever the reason, Sasuke was very cranky and everybody better make sure that they keep a distance from him for the entire afternoon.

Sasuke knew he'd said that too soon because five seconds later, Naruto had came whizzing towards him like a humongous, noisy orange bullet. Apparently, swinging yourself around with annoyed kage bunshins hadn't been a very bright idea.

" AAAAAARRGHH!! SASUKE-TEME! HEEEEEELP!"

Sighing, Sasuke raised up a hand to catch the dope and break his fall, but the speed and force the blond was flying through made it impossible to stop with just one hand, Uchiha or not. Managing only to grab hold of his teammate's leg, Sasuke could feel his body lose its balance and tilt backwards together with the blond, because of the sudden weight and because he was sitting on the brim a sew seconds ago.

With a strangled cry of shock and anger, Uchiha Sasuke too, fell into the well together with his clumsy teammate. " USURATONKACHI! Look what you did now!" Sasuke screamed in anger, having managed to grab on one side of the well just before he fell in. Not like that might lead to anything at all, it was only a matter of time before his hand gave way.

Angry at his predicament, Sasuke waved Naruto's leg up and down roughly, cursing away at the blond idiot. Realizing that his hand had started to throb and punishing the blond will not lead him anywhere in particular, Sasuke yelled out to the others. "Oei! What are you all doing?! Help me outta here!"

Meanwhile, most of the other shinobis have already gathered around the well, wondering loudly just what they could do next without getting into the dirty well and risk staining their clothes. " You…wait…" Sasuke managed to grit out as he tried his best to cling onto the well. " Naruto…you're a shinobi, damnit! Use your chakra!"

" How? You're holding my feet! I'm already helping you out by staying still already, okay!" Naruto snorted.

" I'm…slipping…" Sasuke glared at the other not-to-helpful shinobis, sharingan out and spinning wildly. Finally, he let go, his arm not being able to take the strain anymore; Naruto immediately yelling about stupid sissy Uchihas that couldn't even hold on to the edge of a century old well for more than forty seconds.

Prior to Sasuke releasing his hold, Sakura, with her magnificent 'Sasuke radar', sensed that her beloved was in danger. Snapping out of her 'mourning mode', she wildly spinned around, seeing the slipping Uchiha amidst the crowd of shinobis at once, not to mention that only his left hand's fingers were the only thing that's visible.

" Sasuke-kuuun! Don't worry! I'll save yooou!" Sakura cried and dashed at full speed towards the well and groped blindly in the semi darkness for the quickly disappearing remains of Sasuke. Luckily for her, she had just managed to clutch the left leg of Sasuke, slipper and all. But unluckily for her, the weight of two boys was no match for the pink haired kunoichi. " Ahh!" She too, tipped in after managing to hold out for a mere ten seconds. What great help that was.

Sakura opened her eyes. Huh? Wasn't she falling just a few seconds ago? Confused, she turned her head around to see Ino's face, bunched up in strain of clinging onto three full-grown teenagers.. "Ino?"

" Shut up, forehead girl! I won't let you get the better of me…saving Sasuke-kun like that…!" Ino was obviously already in great strain- sweat droplets were already dripping down her temples. " I…can't hold out any longer…" She finally gasped out, red in the face, the lower part of her body was slowly but surely, slipping in.

Outside the dark musky well where the sun is still shining, Shikamaru was trying to think up a solution for an agitated Chouji, to drag team seven out…which is pretty difficult now since none of the remaining shinobi had the raw strength to pull all three up. Except maybe Gaara, but the sand siblings didn't look all psyched up to help.

" Ganbatte! Naruto! Sasuke! Sakura!" Kiba was yelling into the well. Muffled curses and yells from team seven could be heard from the inside as reply. Kiba had to swing his head to the left as a few kunai and shuriken flew out, courtesy of the pissed off Uzumaki and Uchiha.

" Ino!"

Shikamaru cracked open a lazy eye in surprise, just in time to see Choji lunge and grabbed hold of Ino's foot, digging his heels into the ground. He gritted his teeth in annoyance as he ran towards the well to look at the situation. It was so dark inside; both Naruto and Sasuke are no longer visible. 'Tch. That Ino…why must she involve herself too? Chouji won't hold out for long…'

" Yare yare…we're having a great predicament here, aren't we?" Came a snide voice from behind him. Shikamaru turned to see the futon user, Temari, peering curiously down the well from behind his shoulders.

" Come to antagonize?" He snapped. The more the chain keeps piling up, the more difficult it will get to yank the shinobi back up. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Chouji was expanding his size to double his weight.

"Hey, if you wanted my help you could've asked you know." Temari said, looking slightly annoyed.

" Nah. After all, a man cannot rely on a woman for help anyway." Shikamaru replied. But before Temari had time to reply however, Chouji had deflated and dropped into the well; Shikamaru immediately plunging down after his best friend. Too bad for poor Shika however, the genius' small frame easily slid into the well without any resistance at all.

" Hey… what the-" Temari swore rudely and loudly as she realized that Shikamaru had attached his shadow with hers- and it had reached it's maximum length and was starting to pull her in too. " Damn you Shikamaru!" She yelled as she was violently flung into the well. In her haste, she grabbed hold of the closest thing to her, which just happened to be her brother, Kankuro's hair.

" ITAI!! Temari! S-stop pulling my hair!" The puppet master screamed as he frantically lodged his chakra strings onto the edge of the well.

" Stop whining like a sissy!" His bigger sister screamed back., angry at being involved in this mess too. " Next time, make sure you grow your hair longer a bit just for occasions like these! And you!" Temari took out her closed metal fan and bonked Shikamaru on the head. " How dare you do that to me!"

" It can't be help." He said to a seething Temari, as he adjusted himself and clung onto one of her legs instead." It was instinct." Shikamaru felt the bump he had received from the fuming suna kunoichi beginning to swell out and started to grumble about crazy temperamental women. Ah well. Here he was, finding himself part of the disastrous chain, dangling away…with Chouji here, there probably won't be much hope left. That boy's just too heavy.

Kankuro, however, was not ready to embrace death yet. " NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANNAA DIE!" He wailed, his head oddly bent backwards by Temari clutching a good chunk of his hair for dear life. It was painful, but she had attuned herself slightly and now gripped his cloak. " Gaara…!"

Surprisingly, Gaara's face appeared at the entrance, peering down into the well. " And I wondered where you were…so you were goofing down here like an absolute idiot as usual huh?"

Kankuro was already red in the face, choking slightly from having his elder sister clinging onto his hood. Chakra strings weren't meant for propelling yourself (and seven other people) up, it's for puppet manipulation.

" I'll save you, everyone! Leave it to me! I'll protect the flames of everyone's youth! Let's go, Tenten!" Gaara turned his head slightly to see Lee, dashing at full speed with his weights on towards the well, and dragging a limp and totally un-motivated Tenten behind him. Unfortunately, he kicked up too much soil and it blinded his vision for a while, so he head butted into the poor kazekage, who didn't manage to react in time and tipped into the well. Thus, yet another three more people had added themselves into the dangling line.

" Sheesh. Well, good luck, Tenten. Dangle there all you want- I'm not going to help you guys out." Kiba snorted and grinned at the long line of shinobi. In response, Gaara withdrew a bone out from his breast pocket and threw it down into the darkness. It was so deep, you can't even hear the clattering of the bone as it landed.. Kiba grinned. " Ha! Like that's gonna work on me-GYAAH!" Akamaru had jumped in and Tenten had grabbed his tail- the unfortunate dog was clawing the well. And Kiba, the passionate master, grabbed the scruff of his dog, but somehow now finding himself part of the chain.

" Of course they're not gonna make it, the fates have informed me, but at least be thankful that we Hyuugas are not like the rest of that rowdy bunch-" Neji was trying to educate his cousin on why she should not go there and try to help, whether Naruto might be in danger or not. " And you especially, Hinata-sama, as of the main branch, demoting yourself down to their petty level is simply just intolerant-"

" Kiba-kun!" At the sight of her falling teammate, Hinata had flung out to grab his leg, but being the petite girl she was, she immediately slipped in after her teammate. Neji blinked.

" Hinata-sama!" He screamed and breathed a sigh of relieve as he managed to grasp hold of her free hand. Then he realized that by doing so, he was also grasping hold of the weight of thirteen teenagers, including an extremely large dog and an Akimichi. " Thirteen…is definitely not a good number." He groaned as he felt his back starting to ache.

Sasuke cursed his fate for the hundredth time that day. If only someone else had caught him instead, then he wouldn't be dangling here like this, waiting to crash to his death. If only the brainless person who had caught him did not clutch him at the ankle, he could have at least tried to stick on the well's edge. At least Neji had confirmed that there was a bottom, so maybe he could try and cushion his fall…nah. He wouldn't want to risk it.

Naruto was starting to feel sick. First he was falling, and then stopped. Then falling again, then jerked, then falling, then stopped, then…. but anyways, he was sick with all that movement. Above him, he could hear a lot of angry noises from all the shinobi, but the loudest came from the top most person, namely Neji. Who was cursing his shitty fate in a very loud voice. Which had to be very loud, since Naruto could hear the Hyuuga jonin from down here. The second loudest was Sasuke, who was directly above him and swearing vulgarities madly. The situation would've been funny if they weren't so close to falling to their deaths.

"Oh yeah! Why not I make a kage bunshin?" He exclaimed. Above him, Sasuke snorted.

" And?"

" And…ask it to climb out and help Neji!" Naruto nodded to himself at the good plan. " Mmm. Yeah, I'll do that."

" One isn't enough, dope." Sasuke said, voice full of sarcasm.

" Then I'll just make more, idiot!" Naruto rolled his eyes at the Uchiha's stupidity.

" It would've been alright if we only had a few people dangling, but we've got more than ten people here. Your kage bunshin's weight would only put more strain on Neji." Sasuke pointed out. " He's barely able to hold out right now."

" Crap." Naruto muttered and sourly removed his hand off the seal. " I should've thought of it sooner." He scratched his head, frustrated. " Arrrgh! Think Naruto, think!" It was very unfortunate for Naruto then, because his hitie-ate was loosened and dropped into the darkness. Was it fate or sheer misfortune, nobody knows, but Naruto knew that he wanted his hitie-ate back.  
" My hitie-ate! Sasuke-teme, lemme go! My hitie-ate fell!" Naruto cried and reached out his hand, grasping blindly at the darkness..

" Naruto you usuratonkachi! Stop struggling, dammit!" Sasuke yelled, trying to maintain a firm grim on the blonde's leg. Naruto swung harder than ever, shaking the chain. Shikamaru, Temari, Kankuro instantaneously began cursing, Tenten, Ino, Sakura, Lee, and Kiba angrily started shouting and yelling at Naruto and Neji was screaming profanities at the top off his voice, something never heard from a Hyuuga before. Even as the whole chain of restless shinobi was shaking and threatening to break anytime soon, as Naruto's wails about his hitie-ate were still audible.

Suddenly, the only one thing that the bottommost people saw is pink; a bright pink light was glowing at the bottom. It engulfed their eyesight and a vacuum began to appear below, sucking the shinobis in. Finally, Neji could take it no more- the side of the well in which he was leaning against broke, and down fell the chain of shinobi, sucked up by the vacuum.

" AHHH!" Screamed all fourteen shinobis at once as the pink light that had appeared out of nowhere sucked them up. Promptly their voices were silenced as the last person to fall, Neji, was engulfed himself in pink. The forest was now deathly silent without a single breeze blowing past at all.

* * *

Shino stood at the edge of the old well, looking down, stonily as ever. " I think I'm being left out here." He said. Then he voluntarily jumped into well himself. There was a flash of pink- then no more.

...TBC...

* * *

Authoresses' notes: Okay, how was it? Sorry if we bashed Tenten up too much. And like we said, we exaggerate a lot.

Jap ( In case you don't undersatnd what we were saying):

Minna san--Everyone; guys

Hora--Look

Ohaiyo--Good morning

Yare yare--Well well

Sonna--No way; It can't be

Usuratonkachi--Clumsy idiot

Teme--Bastard; rude word for 'you'

Yup, I think that should be all. We're not japanese and we don't know japanese, so correct us if we made a mistake somewhere. And reviews are greatly appreciated, especially constructive criticism, but if you don't like it, stop reading. Don't come and complain to us about the sucky plot line or the bashings. We already warned you at the beginning of the story. That being said: REVIEW!

And tata for the time being. Ja ne!


	2. Land of the Lost

If you're still feeling up for more bashing...

Disclaimer: For the hundredth time, no, I do not own both Naruto or Inuyasha.

* * *

' Pop!' 'Pop!' 'Pop!' 'Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!'

Several loud pops echoed throughout the well as our favourite shinobis found themselves all squashed at the bottom of the tiny, narrow well, struggling to breathe through all the carbon dioxide.

" Shi-ka-maru?" Kiba managed to gasp out.

" Yeah, what?" Shikamaru replied, just as squashed as the others.

" Try to make sure that…. Chouji doesn't fart…" Came his strained reply. Shikamaru snorted at the Inuzuka for joking at a time like this.

" Tell that to yourself. Idiot." He snapped as he could feel Chouji shifting above him. With the other boy's weight on top of him and legs bent in an odd position because of the lack off space, Shikamaru was not the least bit comfortable. It seems that the one who fell down first (Naruto) was at the top and the last to fell (Neji), was unfortunately at the bottom.

" U…suratonkachi… Get off me." Sasuke snarled at the Orange on his chest. Naruto was happy to comply, but having your head down and legs stuck up in the air was not a good way to regain balance without squashing everyone below him. Sasuke too, realized the problem and inwardly sighed.

Muffled curses could be heard from the bottom person, namely Neji. " Damn you all for being so clumsy!" The Hyuuga screamed and threw a slight tantrum, banging his fists against the well, body buried under the weight of thirteen shinobis, plus one dog. " Are you even shinobis or not? To get involved in this mess! Just let Naruto and Sasuke fall, idiots! Not me!"

" Go-Gomenasai, Neji-nii-san." Hinata, who was above him, said. " To get you involved in this mess with me…"

Neji, realizing that he could not, shout, blame, or kill his cousin sighed, anger suddenly deflated. " Iie, this must all be part of my fate for harboring a hatred to the branch family…."

Kiba involuntarily shifted, his shoulders shaking. Badly muffled snickers could be heard from above. Hinata could tell that her teammate was laughing away at the Hyuuga boy silently.

'Pop!'

Suddenly, the shinobis found themselves flung out off the well unceremoniously, without any warning. The good thing- there was finally some fresh air. The bad thing- they were falling. Of course there were shinobi, so what was a little drop from thirty meters up in the air going to do to them?

Obviously, the first to fall was the heaviest. So down Choji went, landing hard on something red, but before he had time to register exactly what he had landed on, Sakura and Ino, both clutching each other and screaming loudly without any purpose whatsoever, landed hard on him. A few seconds later, Tenten came tumbling down, missed the small pile of stacked up shinobi and landed directly, hard onto the ground, face smushed into the grassy floor. The other shinobi soon followed Chouji's example and tumbled down, piling up against one another.

But the one who had the most original fall was Shikamaru, who got halted halfway by Temari, who was still unduly mad at him for dragging her along for the ride. 'Whack!' Ouch. Temari had sent poor Shikamaru flying back to earth at an accelerated speed.

Finally, Aburame Shino dropped, landed on the top most person (Naruto) and using that poor fellow's head as a footing, bounced lightly and landed neatly onto the ground." Hmp." He snorted and hands in his large overcoat's pocket, walked off into the forest. ' That's for leaving me behind.' Everyone watching his back stared, confused at him.

Finally, Naruto got his wits back and started screaming at the nonchalant Aburame. " OEI! What is the meaning of this, Shino! Using the great Uzumaki Naruto's head as a footing!!"

Everyone too, snapped back to reality and started shaking and screaming for Naruto to get off.

* * *

Inuyasha was minding his own business one fine afternoon, wandering in the oh-too-familiar forest, remising about the days he used to spend here. Why he was doing that, we all wouldn't know. Probably because he had suffered from a neck breaking OSUWARI attack not too long ago..

' Oh, this is the cherry tree that Kikyo used to play under with the village brats…' Hmm…that wasn't right. He's supposed to think of good memories. Memories of Kikyo are sad. ' Ah, this is the large fine oak tree where I first met Kikyo.' Arrrgh, Kikyo again? ' A-ra! I remember this! This is the sakura tree that Kikyo had pined me to with five arrows!' Stop! Stop! Stoooop!

"I'm devoted to Kagome, I'm devoted to Kagome, I'm devoted to Kagome…" Inuyasha chanted under his breath as he fastened up his pace to walk through the forest, looking like a psychopath.

Not noticing where he was going, he bumped into something hard. Cursing his clumsiness, he looked up to glared at the offending object for, well, just being there. 'Oh this…this is the Goshinboku tree that I was pined to for fifty bloody years! By my love, Kikyo!!' Kikyo again. What was wrong with him? This entire forest was crying out 'Kikyo!'

" B-B-But…I'M DEVOTED TO KAGOMEEEEEE…!" Inuyasha wailed in denial and dashed out from the forest canopy, wanting to get out of this place for some fresh air. Finally, he caught a glimpse off the old well before something large, heaving and flabby literally fell onto him before he could even let out a squeak.

So much for wanting fresh air.

* * *

"Where the hell are we?" Naruto asked as the Shinobis cooled down a bit and gathered around each other.

" How should I know?" Kiba replied, nose already out in the air and sniffing, belly tightly squashed between Hinata and Lee. Thankfully, his head was still free. He put his head down and shook it. " What ever it is, we're not in Konoha. I don't recognize any familiar scents here at all. Hell, we're not even in Snow, Sand, Waterfall, Rain, Sound, Rock, Cloud, or Mist! "

" Maybe its some village you've never been to, Kiba-kun." Hinata suggested softly, struggling to remove her tangled limps from under him.

Kiba shrugged. " That means we've been teleported to a place really, really far away."

"So where the hell are we?!" Naruto exclaimed, already impatient.

" So why don't you just get off first before Neji dies of suffocation?" Sasuke snapped from under Naruto. Neji groaned under Hinata, too squashed to say anything.

" Ahhh…gomen." Naruto sheepishly grinned and nimbly jumped off the pile, Sasuke appreciatively doing the same. Relieved sighs could be heard as one by one, the shinobis untangled their sore limbs from each other. Once he got off, Lee helpfully plucked Tenten out from the ground, the kunoichi's face squashed with bits of soil and earthworms dangling off it. Everyone ignored her as she hurriedly brushed them off and turned to glare at anyone who looked her way.

Suddenly, as the shinobis were appreciatively stretching their limbs, a plain looking girl dressed in a hideously green sailor schoolgirl's uniform came barging into the clearing, clutching what looked like a ball off tangled fur and hair.

" Inuyasha! I'm sorry I sat you! So let's not get mad at each other and return to the village, 'kay? Inuyasha!!" She cried in what would be a poor imitation off a 'helplessly sweet' voice. Suddenly, she stopped as she realized that she was not the only one in the clearing. Fifteen pairs of eyes stared back at her, shocked at the loudness of both her voice and running, and her extremely pathetic detecting abilities.

" Who are you?" She asked rather rudely, shifting the ball of hair into one arm and reached for her bow slowly, trying to look intimidating to the strangers, but her hand was visibly shaking.

" Who are you?" Temari shot back, rolling her eyes at the utter pathetic-ness of the girl, reaching calmly for her iron fan with a way smoother movement than that 'thing-in-green'. Sheesh, barging in where fifteen people were already there (in a wide open space too!), screaming her lungs out and then asking them who they were in a rude, arrogant way!

" I am the miko-in-trainee, Higurashi Kagome!" Kagome tossed her hair back, trying to scare them away. They were probably a just bunch of rowdy, untamed children from one of the nearby village. " So go back to where you came from and never return, or I'll shoot!" Ha! That should scare them! She placed Shippo gently down onto the ground and slotted an arrow clumsily into the bow. Her shaking hand pulling the bowstring did not help her image much.

That did not seem to be the right sentence to say however, because all of them stared back at her with the 'you are mentally unstable' face.

" I'm afraid you'll have to shoot then, miss." A boy with an ugly bowl cut hairstyle and green jumpsuit grinned apologetically while the others scoffed. " ' Cause we ourselves don't even know where we are and we can't return. Perhaps you could kindly tell us…?"

Oops, that was a really wrong thing to say, Kagome. " Fine! I don't really want to hurt you children, so I'll give you five seconds to scamper out of my sight, or else I'll… I'll… really shoot!" It looks as though she had missed the Lee's last sentence.

" Five!"

A few yawned and others started to shift impatiently.

" Four!"

" Look miss. We have seriously no idea where we are right now, so could you be a dear and give us directions?" a boy with red triangle markings grinned cheekily at her.

" Flattery won't work on me!" Kagome cried, but the cheeks were tinged with an awful shade of red, contradicting her words. A few more snorts could be heard, raging from disbelief to amusement to disgust. Kagome 'pointedly' ignored those. " Three!"

" Hey hey, Higurashi-san, was it? We asked nicely, so won't you help us out a bit?" A light blonde haired girl wearing purple whined and slouched over, just as restless as the rest.

" It's too late to remember your manners now, little girl! I said scram, so do it! Or I'll shoot!" Kagome yelled, determined to keep up her 'stern' front. Her arms were shaking from trying to pull the bowstring back for so long. Ino snorted at being addressed as 'little girl'. Besides, her tone wasn't polite; it was supposed to be insolent.

" Hey! Like what Ino just said, we asked nicely, so help us out already, you miko wannabe!" A blonde boy dressed in orange yelled and stamped his foot angrily, patience having reached their limits. " You OLD HAG!"

Kagome's blush deepened further, but now because of anger. Old hag? Her? That's it, kid's gonna get it. " ONE!" She fired her arrow, but didn't put any spiritual energy with it. The arrow flew and hit a bored, unmoving Naruto on the forehead, who didn't even twitch on impact. The flimsy arrow cracked into two and dropped down onto the ground.

" What?" He asked, prodding the useless stick with a toe. " Was that supposed to hurt or something?"

" What? It should've hit!" Kagome cried.

" Yeah it did." Naruto rolled his eyes. " Only thing that it hit my forehead protector." He pointed to the slab of metal covering his forehead, shining in broad daylight. "Are you blind or something missy? Cause I'm pretty sure that my bangs aren't that long until they hide the shiny metal piece from view…are they?" He turned around to ask the others.

" No…" Kiba said. " But I think she's mentally retarded or extremely stupid, 'cause she's just missed out number two. And her archery's so bad, it's not anything worth boasting about. Konoha, hell even Oto, has better archers." Akamaru barked his agreement.

'Owww…my ego has been ruined by a bunch of kids…' Kagome sorrowfully thought. And they still haven't gone yet. That was the worst part. No, she had a village to defend!

" H-Hmp! That was…That was just a threat!" She cried, still trying to preserve some dignity. " But seeing that you are all still kids, I was just going easy on you!"

" Kids?" Ino cried. " How old are you anyway?"

" I'm turning seventeen this year." Kagome boasted, proud that she was above fifteen.

" That's the same age as almost all of us." Ino said in a 'duh' voice, rolling her eyes in an exasperated manner. " Well, Neji, Tenten, Lee and Kankuro-san are already seventeen, and Temari-san is turning eighteen! So ha!"

" Baka! Stop giving out our ages so freely!" Sakura cried and smacked Ino on the head.

That led the girls into a furious squabble again. Kagome's jaws dropped. So she lost out is seniority this time. Big deal. But she'd better change topic soon. She felt like she was losing out in every debate. She should show them who's exactly in charge here.

" Hmp! But I'm still the village miko-to-be! So, have you seen Inuyasha around?" She asked, trying to make the question sound like a demand but failing miserably to get the desperate tone out of her voice. " He has white hair, two dog ears, is extremely brash and loud, and wears red."

The shinobi look at one another. Is a she nut? Kankuro decided to be the voice of the group. " You don't see any thing red, brash and loud over here do you? That thing, whatever it is, should be very, very obvious you know. Besides, we just arrived."

" Sonna…Inuyasha…are you really that angry at me…?" Kagome wailed. What a drastic change of mood. The shinobis just stood there, not knowing what they should do with this pathetic thing.

" Ermm…I think I saw something red…" Chouji finally spoke up and shifted a bit to pull out from under him a dead looking, utterly squashed Inuyasha, who had no strength left to even lift a finger.

" Oh my gosh! That is Inuyasha! What did you do to him?" Kagome cried and ran over to inflate the hanyou, glaring at the tubby boy who just shrugged.

" I accidentally sat on him. Sorry." Chouji said, opening a new pack of chips. " And he was really quiet, and you did say 'brash and loud', so I didn't think that was the one you've been looking for. But he did make a nice stool to sit on. Tell him thanks for me."  
" So now that you've found your 'Inuyasha', can you tell us where the hell we are now?" Naruto whined. " Please?" He added for good measure.

Kagome only stuck out her tongue in reply. " No can do." Finally, the entire squabble can to the point where it was about to be blown up. Inuyasha woke up.

" WHO THE #ING HELL ARE YOU GUYS!" The hanyou cried, immediately drawing out his big, overused sword. " Step aside Kagome! Don't worry- I'll protect you!"

All the shinobi rolled their eyes. Oh, what a touching scene. Finally, the really ticked off emo boys couldn't stand the noise the red guy was making and decided to take charge of the conversation. In a flash, both Kagome and Inuyasha had kunais pointed dangerously to their necks. All noise there was before immediately stopped.

" Don't move, or your life gets it." Neji said, calmly holding a kunai close to the hanyou's throat. Inuyasha gulped. That movement alone made a small line of blood trickle down his neck. But that was apparently a wrong move, because as soon as Kagome saw that particular liquid ooze down her beloved, she started trashing, not caring if the kunai was held tightly to her neck at all.

" Don't move, you… absolute ninny!" Sasuke snarled out, being the unfortunate one to grab Kagome. He was trying hard to keep up with her movements, least he'd accidentally killed her. " Do you want to die?"

Kagome apparently, was not even listening to him. " Don't you dare touch Inuyasha!"

" Stop moving or I really WILL kill him." Neji said menacingly, trying to help Sasuke out. There. Now she'll definitely cool down. But apparently, for stupid people like Kagome, that method was unquestionably the wrong method to use to subdue stupid brainless people like her.

" NO! DON'T! INUYAAAASHAAAAAA!!" She yelled and wailed and trashed around even more, her pools of tears sogging up her captor's clothes.

" Eeew! Neji! Look what you did!" Sasuke cried, patting his wet sleeve with his free hand and glaring the Uchiha Death Glare at Neji. Who only shrugged in response. Angry that his favourite Uchiha shirt (not like there was any difference between this one and the other sets kept neatly in his wardrobe) were stained by the tears of the most-pathetic-girl-ever-alive, Sasuke pocketed his kunai and stomped off to brood in the forest.

" Hey! Come back!" Neji cried, trying to fend off an irritating Kagome while holding Inuyasha captive. Sasuke disinterestedly hand signaled an 'I quit' to him. " Shikamaru!" Neji half-pleaded, half-snarled at the lazy boy who was dozing away.

Shikamaru cracked a lazy eye open. " No."

" Shikamaru! Help. Me. Out!" Neji scowled out, trying his best to jyuuken Kagome to death.

" I have no obligations in helping you out." Shikamaru said. " And it'll be a waste of chakra. I don't have reserves like Naruto, you know."

" Neither do I, so just help." Neji frowned, realizing that reasoning would not work on Shikamaru. Since Shikamaru would outsmart him eventually without batting an eye. So he changed method. " Temari-san…would you be so kind to give me a little hand here?"

" Gladly." Temari said, removing her iron fan and towering over a suddenly wide alert Shikamaru. " Shikamaru. Go. Help. Out. NOW."

" …Fine." Shikamaru quickly scooted over and after a muttered 'kage mane no jutsu' later, he had immobilized Kagome. Finally, the integrations can start.

" Talk." Neji ordered, activating his byakugan partially to read their body movements to see whether they are lying and partially to scare the shit out of the two hostages. But the two of them remained resolute, biting their bottom lips and glaring defiantly. In a determined to act like they're determined not to crack too easily.

" If you don't talk I'll... I'll …" Neji pressed the kunai in deeper as he thought of what to say next. " I'll kill this red bedraggled looking mutt over here."

" NO! Don't kill my Inuyasha! I'll talk! I'll talk! What do you want to know?" Kagome wailed. She would have flailed wildly around too, but thankfully, her limbs couldn't move one inch because of Shikamaru's kage mane.

" You bloody idiot, Kagome! Don't say anything!" Inuyasha screamed. Neji pressed harder. More blood trickled down.

" This is the area of the warring states where youkai still exists The patch of land you area standing on is somewhere in the west of Japan. That well next to you is called the bone eater's well, where dead carcasses of demons are thown in there to be 'purified'." Kagome said all in one breath to the satisfied shinobi.. Inuyasha wailed in agony at the stupidness of his 'girlfriend'.

" Okay…so we got teleported into one weird place…" Ino said. " Yay us."

" Where's the village? We want to confirm that what you said is actually true." Neji said, in a half demanding tone. Inuyasha started screaming and screeching and trashing violently.

" NO! KAGOME! DON"T TELL THOSE GOODY GOODY BASTARDS OR I'LL!!-"

" Talk or I'll burst his windpipe." Neji said, knowing fully well that he can't do such a thing considering the kunai he held was half blunted. As did the others and Inuyasha too, but Kagome was to blind with horror and fear that she did not notice the extremely blunted blade. Hell, even the metal of the kunai was dull.

" It's at the west, not too far from here." Kagome said, her face streaked with tears. That made her look even grosser.

" Yes, it's there." Hinata quickly confirmed, having activated her byakugan long time ago. " It seems that we really are in the feudal area- the houses are still made up of wood and straw…"

" Nani?!" Kiba, Naruto, Lee, Sakura and Ino had clung onto Hinata in shock. " What did you see?" " Is the village dirty and filled it cow dung and icky tiny insects?" " Are any of the chakra signs unlocked?" " Are the boys there good looking?" " IS THE FIRE OF YOUTH BURNING WITHIN THIS PEACEFUL, EVER-SO-YOUTHFUL VILLAGE?" They were all shaking her so hard she broke her concentration and her veins reduced in bit, but the byakugan was still on.

" Don't crowd against her." Sasuke snapped at them, taking pity on the poor girl, having known what it's like to have girls (or in her case, people) clinging onto you and shaking you hard.

" Yeah. Don't cling onto her." Neji snapped, though still glaring at Inuyasha, who gulped once more under the glare of the overprotective cousin. " Especially you, you, and you." He poked Kiba, Naruto and Lee hard on their foreheads. " Get off my cousin."

" Sheesh." Kiba snorted as they all separated and went back to where they were standing before. " With the way you were acting, people would think that she's your girlfriend or something."

Neji didn't bother to reply verbally, but Kiba had to clutch his stomach painfully as he got a direct hit from Neji's jyuuken. Shikamaru slapped himself on the forehead and dragged his hand across his face, Kagome automatically doing the same, looking extremely shocked and disgusted as her dirty, mud filled hands smudged up her face.

" Stop fighting!" He said, exasperated and turned to Kiba. " And don't tell me 'he started it'. I'm not buying that." Kiba closed his mouth and pouted to the ground, because Shikamaru had just guessed what he was about to say.

" What 'tis goin' on 'ere?"

Everyone automatically turned to the source of the old, heavily accented voice. It came from an old, short portly woman, dressed in a large white kimono and a red hakama. At once, as soon as Kagome screamed " Kaede o-baa-san! Heeeelp!" and alerted the whole world that the old lady was in cahoots with her, Kaede too, had a kunai pointed to neck by Naruto.

" Okay, we've been through this before," Neji said, now sounding bored. " Who are you, what are those strange chakra signs above me and how do we get back, 'cause this world is nothing much worth staying in."

" I am Kaede, priestess of the nearby village, with whom those two belong to." Kaede nodded to the captured Kagome and Inuyasha. Kiba whistled appreciatively.

" Now that's more like a real priestess." He said to Kagome, tugging Kaede's cheeks and inspecting her clothes curiously. " See this, little girl? Straight to the point, no wishy-washy 'Inuyasha my darling!' and dressing up like a real one too, not the gross, panty flashy mini skirt off yours. Geez, I mean at least be considerate enough to wear pants inside!"

Kagome blushed a horrible red and started shouting at the top of her voice about how boys these days are all dirty minded and have no sense of modesty or privacy.

" Will someone shut her up?!" Temari, the most ill tempered of the girls screamed, and like everyone else who haven't got their hands tied, stuffed her fingers into her ears. Seeing as no one knew how exactly to shut her up without accidentally agitating her and increasing the screeching volume, Temari took the initiative and went for the most ruthless method available.

She plucked a bunch of innocent pretty looking daisies that were happily minding their own business and growing at the edge of the well and marched up to Shikamaru. Who at once knew he was going to be tortured, in one way or another. The shinobis, Inuyasha and Kaede watched in morbid fascination as Temari brutally stuffed the daisies into Shikamaru's mouth. The noise instantly abated as Kagome chocked on her own spit and opened her mouth wide, unable to close them because of the applied Kage Mane on her.

" Thank you." Temari said to Kagome, then turning over to shrug 'apologetically' at a glaring Shikamaru. " They were the only stoppers I could find in the vicinity." She explained to him nonchalantly. He glared accusingly back at her in reply.

" Back to topic." Neji called, brining everyone's focus back to him. " I have discovered that there are different creatures with green chakra, like those which are currently above us right now. Care to explain?"

Everyone looked up only to see a few worm-like demons flying past lazily. Their chakra was green, just as Neji described. The 'magnificent' scene was broken as a stray youkai dropping landed with a splat on Naruto.

" Hey!" Naruto cried angrily as he used the sleeve of his free hand to clean away the disgusting bits of poo off his face. " How dare you!!" He howled.

" Looks like someone just got pooped on…" Tenten grinned, but as soon as she said that, another youkai poop, courtesy to a passing youkai fell on her head. She immediately clamped her jaws and ducked her head and ran into the forest in embarrassment.

" Ignore my stupid teammate over there and answer my question." Neji snapped. Why do they always go off topic? Too many distractions.

" OH." Kaede said, snapping back to Neji. " Those are youkai, or demons. They are very common in our world, and the lesser ones could be treated something like pests and animals, but there are a handful of them who are very smart and powerful too. It is usually these smart ones who gives us the headaches."

Neji nodded, sage-like, as though the old miko's explanations explained it all. No, wait a second- it didn't. " So…humans have blue chakra and demons have green? If that's so, then that makes Sakura classified as an Akuma, right?"

" Yeah! That explains everything!" Naruto clicked his fingers as he put on his 'I have been enlightened' face. " No wonder she always acts so demonically and always brutally punch random people for no apparent reason! And, she has a real nasty temper too!"

" …NARUTOOOOOOOO!" Sakura screamed and dashed forwards and started throttling her teammate. Which made the kunai pointed at Kaede's throat quiver dangerously.

" …S-see what I m-mean?" Naruto managed to chock out. " Okay, y-you can s-stop it already, S-S-Sakura-chaaaan…"

" Sakura, cut it out, you might accidentally kill off the old lady Naruto is holding hostage…." Chouji sighed.

" Like hell I care!!" Sakura screamed. "Shannaroooo! You are so going to get it from me, Narutooooo!!

" Forehead girl, enough already. You're going to sprout pimples at this rate and then you'll really resemble an akuma…"

" Cool down Sakura, can't you even take a joke? Geez…"

" I DON'T FREAKIN GIVE A DAMN!" Sakura yelled monstrously. If one didn't know, one might mistook her for an uncontrolled jinchuuriki who looks as though she was about to burst from excess youki anytime soon. " Must…punch…insulter…" It looks like no one could stop her anytime soon, all of them wondering how long will Naruto manage to retain consciousness and stop Kyuubi from emerging and polishing her off for tea. Oh wait, they forgot someone who could…

" Shut up, you witless pathetic annoying girl. Or do you want me to katon you personally and reduce your miserable body into miniscule ashes, Sakura?" Came an antsy dark voice from behind. Sakura immediately spinned around to glomp the speaker, obviously too slow-minded to realize what the speaker had said.

" Oh, you said all that big words just because you actually cared for me right, Sasuke-kuuuuuun?" Sakura whined. She was immediately tossed aside like a feeble rag doll for that statement.

Sakuke inwardly snorted. He, the great and noble Uchiha, cares for someone as mindless as that? Masaka. " Don't fancy yourself too much, buffoon. I hate annoying girls like you. It was just for the sake of keeping the old woman alive so that we can gather some clues and find a way to return."

" Ha! As if we'll spill!" Inuyasha yelled, looking smug that they couldn't be killed. Not for now anyways.

" I believed that I said the old woman's life. However, you are disposable." Sasuke said disinterestedly, looking at his nails in boredom. " So shut up or the thing you'll spill to us is your own blood."

" Kill him and I'll…kill ye self!" Kaede threatened, now fully confident that her life was still valuable. " I'll bite off ye tongue so that thee may never get any information out off ye ever again!"

The shinobi looked at each other, as though people threatening to bite off their own tongues when captured was an everyday thing. Finally, Shikamaru spoked up slowly. " Well, we'll see how you do it…. with your body like this…."

To Kaede's horror, she found out that the shadow user had applied his kage mane on her. Chouji had replaced Shikamaru for the restrain of the green thing called Kagome. Those people were fast.

" Why don't you tell me you ye are first?" Kaede asked, stalling time. Surely the tweedy boy wouldn't have enough energy to keep his technique going for the entire day. It was still in the late afternoon. The shadows won't be extending too soon.

The shinobis looked at each other, wondering if they could tell this old baa-chan who exactly they were. Finally, Sasuke decided to be the one to monitor how much information to give out.

" We are Shinobis from Konohagakure, and we-" Kankuro cleared his throat loudly. Sasuke glared at the puppeteer for interrupting before continuing. " –And Sunagakure, and we got 'summoned' here by this moldy well from our homeland. Judging from the state this place is, I would think that this is somewhere in the feudal area…. so that means we have went back a century…or maybe two. Ahh…screw history."

" Yeah, yeah. And we don't know how to go back and it's all Sasuke's fault." Naruto joined in, not being able to stay out of this conversation for too long. He always had to have a final say.

" Funny, who was the one who fell into the well in the first place?" Sasuke shot back. " Remind me not to save your butt ever again, if this is what I get for repayment every single time."

" Funny indeed. And who had a glowing pink well in his own backyard and got so excited that he had to brag it to everyone?" Naruto countered, rolling his eyes. The two got into a large fist cum taijutsu fight which lasted several minutes before Sakura got the nerves to throw a small tree at Naruto. She missed, but got her point across. 'Hurt Sasuke-kun and you'll die'.

" So what year do you live in? 1118?" Kagome asked, now interested that similar people like her have managed to enter this plane. " Or judging from your clothes, maybe 1999? I believe those people still use knives to play with…"

" No you dolt." Sasuke rolled his eyes at her stupidity. " We're from the second millennium. Can't you see that our bags have zips?"

" Masaka!" Kagome laughed. " You're so…brutal, salvage and cave-man like, I would think that you're the ones who got your timelines mixed up. Besides, people nowadays don't go around sloshing their faces with purple paint and carrying large toilet-paper like scrolls, knives and an ugly looking katana like those- "

Sasuke glared at her evilly and angrily for cussing his sword. Kankuro butted into the conversation, partly because of the make-up part and because of describing his scrolls as 'toilet-paper like'. " In case you were deaf or something lady, didn't we say that we're Shinobi? We have hidden ourselves in another part of the globe so as not to come into contact with you foul-smelling, machine-loving apes that know nothing but screaming out your boyfriend's names in irritating sissy-like squeaks…"

" A self respecting miko like me do not squeak!" Kagome screeched, rivaling a vulture.

" Can I kill her?" Kankuro asked irritatably, rubbing his sore ears. " Oh, please let me kill her. Gaara?"

" No." Gaara said. " It seems that their lives are essential for making the old miko talk, no matter how depressing it may seem."

" Yes. It's very depressing." Kankuro sulked at his Kazekage cum brother. He went of to the side, muttering death curses underneath his breath, hoping that maybe Kagome would drop dead at one of them.

" So how on earth do we get back?!" Naruto screamed, truly frustrated now. " Dammit! Will somebody answer my freakin' question?!"

" Shut up, usuratonkachi! The same goes for all of us!" Sasuke yelled back. " You think we want to stay in this foul dump like you?!"

" Well…I don't know how exactly you came through here…but there's probably someone who 'summoned' you here." Kaede said thoughtfully, drawing everyone's attention. " That person is probably Naraku, the most foul smelling hanyou to ever cross these lands in a century. He probably wanted to use your power, considering Sesshoumaru had just wiped of half of his youkai army, and he's lacking on lackeys right now." Trust Kaede to blame everything on a poor, unsuspecting Naraku.

"So…we just have to find this 'Naraku' guy and extract information on him?" Kiba asked. " Yosh! So lets go!"

" Forget it. We too, have been hunting Naraku for two years now. He is very witty and extremely difficult to find." Kaede said calmly. " And note that it is not Naraku you want to find. It's the Shikon no Tama he carries with him that you need. That jewel alone can give it's bearer unimaginable powers, depending on how pure its user's intentions are. That also why Naraku is so powerful now. Because his intentions are anything but good."

" One moment please." Kiba hurriedly said, as Shikamaru signaled for a group huddle. "So what should we do?" Kiba said, shooting furtive glances at Kaede, scared that she would be able to hear what they were saying.

" I say we believe them. " Naruto said firmly. " I mean, just look at her! She's so harmless. All of them are. We can easily out power them whenever we want."

" Okay…. but I say we stand a better chance when traveling with them." Shikamaru said. " They know these lands better than any of us anyway."

" But it seems as though they want the jewel too." Kiba frowned. " And we need that thing to return us back. So I say that we leech on them and let them do all the work, then we snatch the jewel afterwards." At that, Kiba let out a loud bark of evil doggie laughter at his oh-so-fabulous plan.

" Sound fine by me." Neji agreed. " It's not like we're committed to them or anything. Okay, we'll act as their bodyguards for a while…for repayment for the jewel."

" That settles it." Sasuke said. He raised his voice and announced to everyone present. " We will help you on your search for this 'Naraku'. Besides, we want to have a little chat with him too, so grouping together will give us both benefits. We have power and you have information on him."

Inuyasha and Kagome gasped, wide eyed and started protesting loudly. But a firm 'Okay' from Kaede silenced their protests. Nodding, Shikamaru released Kaede, but kept both Inuyasha and Kagome firmly tied up. " Back to the village." He ordered lazily.

" I will not lead you there unless ye release them from their bonds." Kaede said, knowing that they are now somewhat more or less dependent of her.

" I don't think so, baa-chan." Neji said sarcastically. Hmp, we let her have a bit of freedom and now she's acting like she's boss? " I can clearly well see the village from here. You don't have to do the leading."

Kaede sulked. It looks like they're not completely dependent yet…

* * *

o be continued...Thanks for reading.


	3. At Split Ends

...Sorry for the long wait.

Saa... presenting the chapter you guys have been waiting for!

**The oddities of two world: At Split Ends**

Enjoy!

* * *

The trip back was uneventful, so to say the least. Neji was right at the front, leading the entire party, byakugan activated, and looking as though he was jumping into the feudal era for visits every single day of his life. The other shinobis were trailing after him, looking extremely bored as they observed their surroundings.

Quoting Shikamaru, mendokuse na… They were all supposed to be on vacation! Not trapped here, in a stinky low life place, with no independent methods to finding their way back… This, to the shinobis, basically sucked.

But of course, no one should be forgetting the three other people that they had accompanying them. " You stupid idiots! You brainless morons! You sissy pipsqueaks! What is the meaning of this?! No one, NO ONE treats Inuyasha-sama in this manner! I demand you to untie me at once!"

Bonk. The two 'bodyguards' for the feudal captives, two of the fearsome Sabaku no kyodai, Kankuro and Temari, bashed his head hard, smirking, as a satisfyingly loud crack was heard. The other shinobis looked longingly at Inuyasha who was now sporting a huge bump on his head, hands itching to add another.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!! INUYASHAAAAA!!!"

Bonk. " …Yakamashi!" Kankuro cried, he and Temari hitting Inuyasha yet again, since they couldn't hit Kagome without having to endure more screeches and wails, and since Kankuro announced that a proper gentleman like him couldn't hit girls. Of course, Temari and Gaara had snorted immediately, the former remarking that he sounded too much like a certain Nara for her liking.

Ignore that for now. The village was finally in sight. The shinobis stood there and gawked, not in awe, but in utter disappointment and horror at the swamp that the o-baa chan called a 'village'. Though Hinata had already described it to them, they didn't expect it to be this bad…they had a few paddy fields in their time too, since pruning them were usually in D-ranked missions, but none of them were this… _untidy_.

All sighing for probably the hundredth time that day, they made their way there, dragging their feet and effortlessly pulling their struggling captives as they did so. Hopefully, this miserable village would harbor more information about this Naraku guy, or the so called miraculous jewel, the Shikon no tama- that they planned to 'borrow' to return home, by the way.

" Kagome-chan! Kaede-obaa-san! Inuyasha! You're back!" Sango cried, running out of the hut the shinobis were heading to, Miroku following shortly. She stopped short as she eyed the shinobis warily, slowly getting into battle stances. The shinobis did the same, each reaching for their respective weapons.

" Stop! Do not attack them. They're our allies." Kaede said calmly, although the kunai that was placed at her throat didn't help in her statement much.

Naruto, her captor, thumped her reassuringly on the back, making the old miko stumble at the sudden force. " That's a good ol' miko!" He cried happily, though trailing off, muttering at the end. "Not like the _other_ one…"

" Hey! I heard that!" Kagome cried hotly, struggling in her bonds, not realizing that ninja metal wires are simply unbreakable by brute strength. Not by her strength, at least. Temari and Kankuro simply just raised their fists and bashed a woozy but still unfortunately conscious Inuyasha in response, shutting her up. Ooh, that was _sweet_…

" You were meant to, baaaakaaaa!" Naruto shot back, giving her a cheesy grin.

" These ninjas will be assisting us in our search for Naraku," Kaede explained to Sango and Miroku. Naruto nodded proudly from behind her. " They wish to find Naraku, so that he may send them back, because he apparently summoned them here without a rhyme or reason." Naruto nodded smartly again, though his left eye was twitching. Half of it was true, but…they just wanted to snatch the jewel once it was completed…this 'Naraku' guy sounded rather incompetent to send them back…

" If you say so…" Sango said suspiciously, eying the too-cheerful-to-be-true shinobis, though she relaxed and scanned the group. " But Kagome-chan, where's Shippo?"

Kagome gasped. " Oh no! I forgot about him!" She turned to Neji was apparently the ' monitor' of the group. " Have you seen him?"

Neji stared unblinkingly and impassively down at her. " …Who's Shippo?" He finally asked.

Miroku and Sango gaped at him and Kagome promptly burst into tears.

" I'm…here…" came a muffled voice from inside Inuyasha's shocking red robes. Lee helpfully went to pluck him out, to reveal a rather squashed, tangled clump of hair or fur. " Need…air…"

" I found him!" Lee cried excitedly, inspecting the thing in his hands like a newly found toy. By inspecting, meaning juggling poor Shippo, waving him up and down, and turning him round and round like a ballerina doll. Shippo was as lightheaded as Inuyasha when Lee finally stopped.

" Shippo-chan!" Kagome cried, both she and Inuyasha released from their bonds since they were now the 'guides' for the shinobis.

" K-kagome…" Shippo mumbled disconnectedly. " I feel ill…"

" Oh you poor thing!" Kagome gasped. She immediately ran into the hut, grabbed a handful of bandages from her hideous yellow backpack, and wrapped them tightly against Shippo. Did I mention that she had used _all_ of them? Yeah, that too. By the time she was done, Shippo resembled a chibi-fied mummy.

" Well anyway," Neji carried on, giving a weird glance at the walking mini- mummy, " The plan is to separate ourselves into groups- and continue the search from there. Traveling in this large a group is will make us very…noticeable. If we're in smaller groups, not only will it prevent that, but it'll also give us less land to cover. Are there any protests?"

Sango and Miroku glanced at each other. " No, not really…"

" I do!" Inuyasha cried.

" As do I!" Kagome cried.

" What is it?" Kankuro glared.

" Um…I don't know…" Kagome looked confused. " Inuyasha has problems, so I have a problem with that idea too."

" You…are a lovesick psycho!" Kankuro groaned. " I _reeeeallly_ wanna kill you now…"

" What is the problem?" Sakura asked this time. " It's the best plan for our situation now, at least."

" Well…" Inuyasha took a moment to consider. " You might be backstabbing us…and with your strength, it might be an easy feat…" He said.

" How dare you say that!" Lee roared. " I'm Konoha's beautiful green beast, Rock Lee! Inuyasha-kun, I passionately swear on my honor of that title that I will never ever do such an un-youthful thing as that…"

" Lee! Shut up! I'll kill you!" Tenten screamed. And just when she thought she'd finally gotten rid of her irritating sensei…

" Enough." Neji snapped at his teammates. Noisy idiots… He turned back to Inuyasha. " The miko said she trusts us. What more do we need to do in order to prove that we are loyal?"

" Hmm…you could…leave us a hostage...." Sango finally spoke up.

"…" There was silence. Nobody wanted to offer himself or herself up as a hostage.

Finally, Sasuke bit his thumb, drawing blood. " Kuchiyose no jutsu." A medium sized purple colored snake appeared with a poof. " Will this be enough?" He asked blandly.

" You might not even miss it when it dies." Miroku pointed out the obvious, trying not to look surprise at the thing that had just came out of nowhere. Literally. "…" Oh crap. Brilliant idea, but could Sasuke convince the group?

Sasuke blinked. " Toshio, I love you. From the bottom of my black, soulless, emotionless, revenge-driven heart." He drawled. He petted the snake without much conviction or affection, much to the surprise and amusement of everyone. ' _He actually did it…_' Everyone thought, fascinated. " Is that enough?" He asked again.

" Um…"Miroku looked unsure.

"…" Apparently, Sasuke wasn't convincing enough. They were screwed. Not that it mattered much, but…

" Sasuke, you idiot! You're doing it all wrong!" Naruto rolled his eyes, but grinned at his friend's idea. Since he was the only other one who could summon without wasting precious chakra, he quickly tried to cover up for Sasuke's terrible acting. " Here, I'll show you how it's done." He repeated Sasuke's movements. " Kuchiyose no jutsu!" A brightly colored orange frog appeared this time.

Naruto scooped the frog up and plastered it with smooches and snuggles. " Izumi…I'm sorry to be doing this, but I'll have to offer you up as a hostage! You know I can't live without you, but in order to find that bastard Nara…Nara…Nara- whateverhisnameis-, Shikamaru's possible relative or whatever… I'm afraid this is the only way!" Naruto cried dramatically, somehow managing to force out a fountain of fake tears.

This time, every shinobi rolled their eyes.

" Yes." Sasuke said, sounding disturbed. Naruto continued on his all-too-obvious act in the background, still smothering the disgusted amphibian with kisses. "Is that frog enough?"

" I guess so…" Miroku mumbled, eye twitching. Even he was not that mad… Kissing a _frog_…

" Yosha!" Kiba cried happily. " Now we're all set! Naruto, hand that frog over!"

Naruto made a big fuss over it, screaming and wailing and bawling away as he hosted an excellent act of binding it up unwillingly- crying as he did so- and handing the group's 'hostage' over to a firm but also bemused looking Kaede.

" Bye-bye, Izumi…" Naruto called sorrowfully, sobbing on Kiba's sleeve and waving a white handkerchief. " I'll miss you…!"

" Dude, you're soaking my sleeve." Kiba said in shock and horror. How could anyone force out so many tears and not shrivel up and die of dehydration…?

" Anyways, back to the groupings." Neji said, not wanting to see any more drama. He _hated _drama. " Since our purpose of joining you guys is because of your knowledge of the terrains, so each of you will be the leader of one group. That means we'll have four groups."

" Wait. What about Shippo?" Kagome asked. She? Leader of an entire group of highly trained Shinobis? Woo-hoo! Nobody would try messing with her now!

" Remind me, which one is Shippo again?" Neji asked, looking perplexed.

" I'm Shippo!" The chibi mummy yelled, quivering in suppressed anger. " Will someone get these bandages off me?!"

"…Right." Neji said slowly. That thing is going to be pretty much useless in future battles…. " So which one of you will take the mummy…err…Shippo?" He asked the group.

" I'm not a mummy!" Shippo yelled from the ground, tangled up.

" A fluffy mummy then." Neji said. " So? Which one of you will take him?" What is wrong with this people? The shinobis always had to ask at least two or three times before they could receive an answer… Mattaku…

" Of course I will." Kagome said hotly. From there onwards, every shinobi fervently hoped that they would not be place in Kagome's group. A pathetic wimp and a puffball? Not only were they pathetic, they were pathetically annoying.

" So…Shikamaru will do the grouping…" Neji said, turning to Shikamaru.

" Why me? Mendokuse…" Shikamaru muttered under his breath.

" Because I'm going to hit you if you don't." Temari snarled.

" Fine, fine. You'll do that even if I didn't say anything anyway." Shikamaru snorted.

" What did you say?!" Temari growled.

" Nothing, nothing." Shikamaru said lightly. " Now, we'll need at least one tracker for each team in order to find Naraku, WHO BY THE WAY, IS NOT MY RELATIVE NARUTO, so team eight will definitely have to split up…Kiba…"

" Y-Yes…?" Kiba stuttered. '_Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome…' _He silently begged.

" You'll go with Inuyasha-san."

" Yahoo!" Kiba yelled. " We're _soooo _lucky, Akamaru! A useless a guy, but still…"

" Hinata, you'll go with Sango-san."

" O-Oh, okay…" Hinata muttered in relief as several Shinobis groaned. Lucky her…

" Ino…you'll go with Miroku-san."

" Ehhh?" Ino cried. " Since when was I considered a tracker?! You asshole, Shikamaru! Getting me stuck with someone like…someone like…" She trailed off as she glanced at Miroku. The monk couldn't hide the lecherous grin on his face. Sango immediately delivered him a kick in the groin. " Kuso, Shikamaru!!!!" Ino howled, horrified. She got a freaking _pervert_ in her group! " What about Neji? He has the byakugan too!"

" Don't worry, I'll let you have a friend in that group…troublesome woman…" Shikamaru muttered.

Ino brightened up considerably. " Okay. If Sasuke-kun is there, then I won't mind at all."

" Hey, since when did I become your friend?" Sasuke immediately shot back. Ino didn't get to answer because Shikamaru started talking again.

" That leaves us with Kagome-san's group…" Shikamaru muttered. Everyone tensed up. '_Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome…' _Everyone thought. Shino and Neji, the two shinobis who were the most eligible for the post were drenched in cold sweat and edging away from the group. "…Shino…"

There was no reply. Shino somehow managed to hide himself at the back of the crowd.

" Shino!" Shikamaru said louder. " I don't care what you're saying, but you're going to Kagome-san's group."

" …I hate you." Came a quiet, eerie voice from the back of the cohort of relieved shinobi.

"I love you too." Shikamaru said blandly, satisfied that he got a reply. " Okay, now we're going to concentrate on the attacking teams, preferably one on defense and one on offense. For Inuyasha-san's team…"

" Hey! Gimme someone strong! We're going to kick ass!" Inuyasha called. He was apparently happy with Kiba.

" Hell yeah!" Kiba and Akamaru cheered.

" Naruto on offense and Gaara on defense." Shikamaru sighed. This was going to be one noisy team…he pitied the Kazekage, but…Naruto was the only one who complimented Gaara …

" Alright!" Naruto yelled back, grabbing Gaara and going to join Kiba and Inuyasha. Besides rather swollen and puffy eyes, Naruto showed no signs of having been wailing loudly. Gaara looked at his team in silence, eyes narrowing. You could feel his annoyance and bloodlust from a good three meters away.

Shikamaru quickly turned away from the two jinchuurikis. " …Right. Now, for Miroku-san's team…"

" Sasuke-kun! Don't be shy, come here already!" Ino yelled.

" From what I heard, Miroku-san works best with girls, so…Sakura, you're on defense and Tenten, you'll be on offense."

" You heard wrong." Tenten said in annoyance as she and Sakura huffily stomped over there, muttering curses at their horrible fate.

" What is this?!" Ino shrieked in horror at her teammates. " Why did I get forehead girl and six-buns(Go figure.)?! Shikamaruuuuuuuu! Where's my darling Sasuke-kuuuuun?! You said you'll give him to me!"

" I told you you'd get a friend, not Sasuke." Shikamaru told his teammate irritably as the Uchiha heaved a large sigh of relief. Miroku's drool was dripping out of his mouth in uncontained pervertism. He was obviously happy with his group mates. The three girls took a look at him and cringed in disgust. Sango bonked him hard on the head with her Hiraikotsu. Shikamaru grimaced. That scene looked a little too familiar for comfort to him… he decided that he was _not_ going into Sango's team." Now for Kagome-san's team…"

The remaining Shinobis tensed. '_Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome… Don't let me get Kagome…' _Everyone mentally cried.

" Neji, you're on defense." Shikamaru said at last." Don't think I'll let you off easy. Sasuke, you're on offense."

" Damn!" The two boys cried at the exact same time. They shuffled depressingly to Shino and Kagome.

" Join the club." Shino said, though sounding happy that the two also ended up here.

Kagome meanwhile, was beside herself with smugness and joy. '_I got the two pretty boys under me!' _she mentally squealed. _'All three look strong, and all are hot to boot!'_

" Sorry guys." Shikamaru said amiably, not sounding sorry at all. " But because of err…Kagome-san's lack of…_everything_, you'll be needed to make up for it.."

" I figured as much." Sasuke said sulkily. " But I'm still not happy."

The three of them looked at Kagome, who now sported hearts in her eyes. They gulped and took a step back. The shinobis in Miroku's group howled in anger at Kagome. Inuyasha did the opposite of them- he howled in anger at the three boys, while his group members- excluding Gaara- pointed and laughed at their respective teammates and Neji.

" Finally, for Sango-san's group…" Shikamaru looked at the two girls standing awkwardly there. Too much girls! Nope, definitely not the group for him. " Temari, you're on defense, and Lee, you'll be on offense. The rest will remain in the village as possible backups."

" What?" Temari cried. " Wait, what's with this group?"

" You got a problem?" Shikamaru questioned lazily.

" Yes! I don't fight combos with bowl-cut over there well." She told him angrily. " I'd blow the enemy away before that green thing even reaches them. I should be on offense."

" …Fine. Then we'll ask the taijiya who she wants to stay instead." Troublesome women…always complicating the situation…

" Why must someone stay behind?" Chouji asked.

" Like I said, for potential back-ups and also to protect the village from danger. And also to help out if possible. " Shikamaru explained. " Something like a treaty, 'cause I'm quite sure _some_ of you guys haven't trusted us enough yet…" He glanced at Sango, who blushed at being caught but still stood resolutely at her spot.

" Okay…" Chouji said. " So Sango-san, which of us do you want?"

" What are your attacks?" Sango asked. " I'll see which of you are more compatible with mine."

" Temari uses wind manipulation." Chouji explained. " Her brother, Kankuro controls puppets. I can increase the size of any part of my body, and Shikamaru controls the shadows and is the best in strategy amongst us."

" Oei, Chouji, if you portray me in that way…" Shikamaru whined.

Sango blinked. Hmm… From what she calculated, the Temari girl will be very useful against Kagura… " Temari on offense and Shikamaru for defense." She said firmly.

" …I'll get chosen." Shikamaru finished lamely and sighed. Stuck with a bunch of girls…_again_…Temari gave him a large and evil grin as he slouched over to join them.

" Looks like I'm the leftover here, stuck in the village as a go-between with…" Kankuro glanced at his teammates. One munched on chips and the other was shouting incomprehensible stuff. "…A weirdo and a… '_pleasantly plump_' ninja...and…"

" You'd better prepare yourselves, you three." Kaede called out cheerfully. " I will be working you to your deaths, see. There are lots of maintenances which needs to be completed in the village." She chuckled and still plotting on what she could do with the three leftover ninjas, headed back into the hut.

" …Stuck doing crappy manual work. What did I do to deserve this?" He groaned.

" At least you're not stuck with three loudmouths." Gaara said irritably at the sight of a screeching monkey and two dogs behind him. He turned around. " _Be silent_!" He hissed.

Kankuro spared a pitiful glance at Gaara. " Point taken. Good luck, otouto." He snickered. His little brother only grumbled In annoyance.

"…Right. We'll leave immediately." Shikamaru said. " The plan now is spread out across the land to search for Naraku. Anyone who confirmed about his whereabouts, send a message to the rest. There is at least one who can summon in your group, right?"

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Temari nodded.

" Okay. We'll all regroup at that spot then. And don't forget to send a report back at least once a week- and receive the other groups' reports too. Of course, you three will be in charge of accumulating the reports."

" Of course, Shikamaru-kun!" Lee saluted. " I will do this job to the best of my abilities! I see that you are very youthful, so I shall make this passionate promise with you! If I fail to keep up the promise, then I'll do one thousand push ups without the usage of my arms and legs and twenty thousand sit ups-"

" Okay, okay, I got your point. Shut up." Shikamaru groaned.

" How are you going to do err… a thousand push ups without using your limbs?" Ino snorted.

" Like this!" Lee enthusiastically replied and immediately propelled his body into a vertical position, gave himself a thrust backwards and started blowing at the ground underneath him. Everyone watched amazed as Lee did his pushups as he said he would…by blowing himself up and down. It was…amazing.

" If he keeps that up, he'll be flying in the sky soon." Neji muttered. Everyone else continued gaping. Everyone else meaning: Inuyasha, Kaede, Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Shippo.

The other shinobi were however, diverting their attention towards Naruto, who was trying to do the same thing, only to get a cloud of dirt coating his entire face and getting into his mouth. "KUSO!" He yelled. Sasuke had his face in his hands, shaking his head in embarrassment, as close to a nervous breakdown as any Uchiha could be, namely, nowhere near.

However, for once, Sakura saved everyone by dragging Naruto to his feet and smacking him hard on the head. "Baka! What are you doing? Don't embarrass our village infront of strangers!" She screamed, tugging her pink locks in fury.

"Demosa, demosa, why can Lee do it if I can't?" Naruto questioned, cerulean eyes opening wide, blinking innocently.

"Because he actually CAN do it?" an annoyed Sakura replied.

Everyone sighed simultaneously. "Okay!!! Enough with the stupidity. Can we go now?" Twenty, sorry, I mean, Tenten cried impatiently.

Lee bounced up "Goodbye my youthful companions! May the flames of youth light your way!" He began waving dramatically. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Er. Yeah. Bye Lee. Bye Kankuro. Bye Chouji." Kiba said warily, seemingly worried for Lee's sanity. With that, all the shinobi sped off, leaving Kagome and Shippo standing abandoned in the middle of a clearing, leaves drifting down around them.

"Eh? What about us? Matte, hot shinobi guys!! Your dearest Kagome-chan is coming!!" She cried and began running off in the wrong direction.

Ah well. You can't expect everyone to be bright, can you?

* * *

We're late. Yes, we know. And this chapter isn't exactly very long either. SO THEREFORE, we have added a special OMAKE! YAY!

**

* * *

**

*OMAKE SPECIAL 1!*

PSST…Ever wondered why we called this chapter so? Well…

Uchiha Sasuke stood, in the center of the cohort of Shinobis, still and unmoving. His long front bangs covered his eyes, shadowing them, an evil and mobid and depressing aura encasing his person. Everyone sensed the emoness and stopped in their tracks to look at him.

" Guys… I changed my mind. I don't think I'll be going anymore."

Everyone exploded at him.

" But SASUKE-TEME! I know you're pissed with having your two emo friends on your team and having to fight for your emo space and emo time, but really-"

" It's not that, usuratonkachi."

" Sasuke. Don't tell me you're just being pansy about having The Most Pathetic Girl Alive as your team leader-"

" It's not about that either, stupid."

" Then what-"

" I- I-" Sasuke stuttered, holding out a clenched fist. The shinobis squinted hard and saw a strand of hair dangling from it. "I- I have- S-S-SPLIT ENDS!" Sasuke yelled, shaking, and clutched at his oh-so-precious Uchiha styled hair. " NOOOOOO!!!"

Everyone groaned and resisted the urge to smack the Uchiha on the head.

***END OF OMAKE***

* * *

… Just kidding. There's another more obvious reason for the chapter title. Still, we hoped that you had enjoyed it, and leaving a review on your way out is also greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your support.

...Look forward to the next chapter? XD


	4. Team Akai Ito

**HEAVY CRACK WARNING**

Authoresses' apologies for excessive OOCness, randomness, and emo guy bashing. Brace yourselves, 'cause this is where the crack really gets going.

Presenting (after the super long wait), the much anticipated:

**Chapter 4- Team Akai Ito (Red Thread)**

* * *

" Sasuke. What are we going to do with that?" Neji asked, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, gesturing at the hapless 'thing-in-a-revolting-green-sailor-uniform' who was currently failing about, calling in a disgusting tone for her precious 'hot shinobi guys' and crashing through the forest in the wrong direction.

Sasuke shrugged. " Wait for her to die? That'd save us the trouble of killing her."

Shino nodded appreciatively. " I'll send Jeremy the 871st to track her down and make certain of her death."

Neji snorted. " Jeremy the 871st? What happened to the others?"

" Well, Jeremy the 4386th is on Kurenai-sensei and she's back in Konoha, and Jeremy the 54th is tracking Hinata's team. Jeremy the 968th is in Lee's pocket, Jeremy the 22nd is on Naruto's head, Jeremy the..." Shino rambled.

" OKAY! SHUT UP ALREADY!" Sasuke snapped. " Deal with the thing in green first."

Neji glared at Sasuke for interrupting Shino's blathering. " I was having fun."

Sasuke met his glare and stared back icily. " And he was bothering me."

" So? Can't a shinobi have entertainment?"

" No."

" Right. I know you enjoy tormenting Naruto. Cut the act."

"That's a different story."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is. Naruto's my best friend. What's Shino to you?"

" Entertainment!"

" Well, I think that's..."

As the doujutsu users argued over whether to shut Shino up, Shino, the object of their quarrel, sighed. " What have I become?"

" HOT SHINOBI GUUUUYS!!! Your Kagome-chan is waiting for you! Where are you hiding? That's so cute! You're too embarrassed to talk to me right? _*Squeal!*"_ Kagome practically screamed into the forest, punctuating something close to an all out war between Sasuke and Neji.

Both boys twitched. " That's it. She's too noisy. She's going to die."

* * *

" Let's just drop a stick on her head." Shino suggested.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. " She's not another Jeremy, Shino. She's a bloody cockroach."

Shino, angered by the other's disregard of him considering the fact that he rarely opened his mouth to speak at all, pushed up his sunglasses and glared at Sasuke menacingly. " Sasuke. The leader of this team is me. I suggest that you listen."

" Stop screwing around!" Sasuke screamed, at Shino, frustrated at that comment.

" The leader of this team is that pathetic little girl and her dirty fluff-ball!" Neji added. Then he twitched. What was Sasuke doing with his bag? " Sasuke. What are you doing?" He asked, voice quivering, as he decided to voice his thoughts out loud.

Sasuke let out a pleased exclamation as he yanked out a white sheet from the Hyuuga's backpack. " Just what I need. Thanks Neji."

Neji sported numerous tick marks. He watched, spasming, as Sasuke lifted a gleaming kunai and brought it down on the cloth, ripping it up. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DISINFECTED SHEET?!?!?!?!?!" Neji screamed, unable to handle the stress any longer, and dashed forwards to scrabble at the cloth. " Its for emergency treatment of infections and other injuries only! What are you doing to it?!!" Neji yanked on the cloth. " Give back!"

Sasuke tugged harder on the other side, unwilling to yield his hold over the cloth. " No!" He grunted. They started a little tug-of-war game with the sheet. A moment later, a ripping sound echoed through the clearing.

Neji dropped the bit of cloth he was holding, face ashen. " No..." He murmured, shocked.

Sasuke smirked. " Hey, it looks a lot more better now!" A tattered bit of cloth, wrinkled and torn in parts by their tugging, lay on the ground. " Don't you think so, Neji? Now I can scare the stupid thing in green, eh?" Sasuke chuckled evilly at the thought. Hearing no response from the other, Sasuke turned. " Neji?"

Hyuuga Neji, the great Hyuuga prodigy, was lying on the grassy floor, eyes glazed over, and muttering something along the lines of, " Now, without my sterile white cloth, I lay me down to rest after seventeen years of cruel, unsanitary life..."

" Uh. Neji...are you okay?" Sasuke paused and sweat-dropped. Neji seemed not to hear him.

" Leave him be Sasuke. I was that way too when Jeremy the First died." Shino said morosely, as though remembering his precious dead Jeremy.

Sasuke edged away from the two suddenly unstable guys. " Uh...right. I'll just go and, uh, continue ripping this cloth up then. Don't mind me." He muttered, picked up his kunai, and started slashing away at the cloth with much vigor while trying to ignore Neji's pained gasps.

* * *

Stomping sounds roused a now completely depressed Neji. Groggily, he squinted at the source of the noise. Sasuke and Shino were both jumping up and down wildly on something_. _Something white. _I think I'm missing something here... Oh, wait... _The memories of his dearest white cloth came flooding back to him, and his jaw dropped after seeing its current state now. He shook it off. As long as he didn't need to use that, he'll live. Shino sent out his kikaichuu to eat away certain bits of the cloth. Neji immediately found himself wishing all of them a stomachache.

" Oh look. He's finally awake." Came an eerie voice from his right. Activating his byakugan, he saw a second Sasuke leaning casually, back up against a tree. Neji sat up, bits of grass caught in his tousled hair and sticking on the back of his shirt. " Are you the bunshin?" He asked distantly.

The Sasuke against the tree smirked. " No."

" Well good," Neji replied, opted not to use the Juuken style for once, and curled his hands into fists. " 'Cause you RUINED something I've been saving for MONTHS!" Neji rushed up to a now panicking Sasuke and socked him in the jaw.

In no time, a huge dust cloud was kicked up and indecipherable yelling started up, rousing a tired Shino from his short rest. " There they go again..." He sighed. When their brief 'bicker' ended, a pristine Neji stood up stiffly and stomped off, muttering about 'stupid Uchihas and their stupid bloated heads and their stupid huge egos', leaving a very tattered and deflated Sasuke on the floor.

* * *

" Okay, so on the signal, drop the Kikaichuu head." Sasuke directed.

Neji glared, still sore and miserable over the loss of his sheet. " Why not chop off _your_ head and dangle it there instead? I bet it'll be much more convincing."

Sasuke glared past a swollen eye, a bleeding nose and puffy cheeks. " There's nothing wrong with my face. NOTHING."

Neji snorted. " Yeah right."

" Here it comes!" Shino whispered intensely. Sasuke and Neji immediately clamped up waiting the arrival of something very, very, unpleasant. It did not disappoint them.

" HOT SHINOBI GUUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSS!!!!" The thing in green and its dirty little fluff-ball made its grand entrance by crashing into the forest, managing to rival a stampede of violent rhinos.

" Now!" whispered Neji, eyes fixated on the thing in front of them. The three of them scatted at his signal.

* * *

Kagome whipped around, feeling uncomfortable. Where were her hot Shinobi guys? " HOT SHINOBI GUUYS! HEEELP!" She screeched, clutching Shippo tightly. Shippo shivered, the eerie atmosphere getting to him. Kagome turned back and screamed. Inuyasha's decapitated and bloody head was dangling in front of her, by some silken spider thread, right next to Miroku's and Sango's. She whipped around to run, but bumped into a silent, unmoving and COLD shadow (that was of course, a kikaichuu-coated Shino). The shadow stared at her noiselessly.

She screamed again and turned to her left, only to be faced with a giggling specter with bloody eyes (sharinganed Sasuke, by the way) and dark hair, which fell across a bruised and bloodied face (courtesy of Neji). Almost blacking out, Kagome screamed again and turned to her right, running smack into an unnaturally large tree trunk. As she slowly pulled herself back up, a ghostly white figure with straggly long hair curtaining its face, in a tattered white robe (Neji's disinfected sheet) and bulging veins around it's eyes (duh, byakuganed Neji) stepped forwards, moaning eerily (about his cloth and how dirty he was going to get).

As Kagome clutched the unconscious Shippo and backed into the middle of the spooky clearing, Sasuke, Neji, and Shino stepped closer, whispering in a deathly, icy tone. " Die..." They took another step closer. " Die..."

And yes, you guessed it; the wimp-in-green and its mangled fluff-ball fainted. Neji tugged off the dirty piece of cloth immediately as Sasuke released hold over the genjutsu, which made the ghostly atmosphere.

" That was surprisingly easy."

* * *

" Why am I the one who's lugging it around?"

Neji had Kagome hung limply from his back and the fluff-ball, sorry, Shippo, lay on his head. Kagome murmured something about nice smelling hair and buried her face in his neck. Neji dropped her abruptly. Sasuke snickered.

" Why can't either you or Shino carry her? You know, my fan-girls might end up killing her when they see me like this. It's not going to be my problem if _leader-baka_ ends up frozen and dead." Neji said, half-whining and half-hoping that the other two would get the hint to please take over his load.

" Well neither can I. I bet my fan-girls will burn her and stuff her into a tiny black box and stab the box and..." Sasuke droned on emotionlessly.

" I can't carry her. Jer-Jer the 76th has threatened to stop laying eggs if I ever touch a female." Shino explained.  
The rookies of their respective years glanced conspiringly at each other. The picked up the thing-in-a-disgusting-short-miniskirt and its rabbit's foot and dumped them on Shino. Shino stumbled. The two doujutsu users grinned and sped off, discussing various torture techniques. Shino sighed and started after them, a green blob dangling off his back and a fuzzy thing on the hood of his coat.

* * *

Less than half an hour later, Shino, who was in the lead, suddenly stopped. He writhed. Several large bumps started moving under his skin. " My Jer-Jers are rioting!" He gasped before 49 huge black kikaichuus popped out of his sleeves.

Sasuke and Neji twitched as 49 black blobs sped towards them, squeaking as they flew. Together, they started chattering angrily, forming a council of Jer-Jers around the two boys. Through the buzz of the angry female kikaichuus, Shino spoke up. " Do you want me to translate? My Jer-Jers are illiterate, you know."

Sasuke blinked. Neji just stood there blankly. Both were unsure of what to do in this bizarre situation. As the Jer-Jers start up a cacophony of squeaks, clicks and chitters, Shino sighed, and cleared his throat. " My Jer-Jers say," then, he suddenly reverted to a high, squeaky, girly falsetto. " How can you do this to Shi-chan! He's already.." Shino trailed off. He stared at Sasuke and Neji. Sasuke was tearing in mirth, trying to choke down chuckles. Neji was scratching his head. " Er, excuse me. I have to pee." He said nervously. He excused himself into the bushes a good ten meters away. Sasuke and Shino stared at the spot where he melted into the trees. A scream of mirth, then a huge bout of laughter and giggles. This continued for a good 15 minutes before the laughter stopped. Neji came back looking composed. " I'm sorry. Please continue."

Shino nodded. " Shi-chan is all tired form taking care of all of us and you back him tired by making him carry that heavy thing!" Shino said, almost trilling at the end. He stopped again. Neji was tearing, forcing a straight face on. Sasuke cleared his throat loudly, a large smirk on his face. " Sorry Shino. I suddenly feel the urge to, uh, converse with mother earth as well." He immediately retreated into the trees a good 20 meters away. Shino and Neji watched and listened intently. An exclamation of indecipherable origins and a large array of laughs, snorts, giggles and chokes sounded. This continued for about 20 minutes, and a very composed Sasuke strolled back into the clearing. " I'm sorry for the interruption. Please continue." He said coolly.

Shino cleared his throat. " And it stinks too! How dare you make him carry it!" He whined femininely. Then he had to pause AGAIN. This time, Neji was a melted puddle of bubbling mirth on the floor and Sasuke was a deflated thing, wheezing and trying to breathe through his chuckles. Shino rolled his eyes. " I know it's funny, but seriously, this is getting annoying."

Sasuke stood up, brushing away the leaves stuck in his hair. " Sorry. It's just so...so..." " Disturbing?" Neji offered. " Yeah. Disturbing. And gross. Can you please stop with that voice?"

The Jer-Jers chattered angrily, almost on the verge of attack poor petrified Neji and Sasuke. Shino sighed, reverted to his squeaky voice and said, " What's wrong with his voice?! Isn't it the most wondrous voice on Earth? Don't you think that you should RESPECT us TOILING females who struggle to lay eggs and bear the immense pain?! Now you're complaining about a WHIM of yours?! This is ridiculous!" He literally shrieked. As Neji and Sasuke struggled to keep straight, respectfully haughty faces, for once, Kagome helped. By waking up and screaming at the altitude.

All three guys twitched. " SHUT UP!' All three whipped around a glared menacingly at Kagome, not in the mood to deal with her. Kagome -finally- regained awareness of her surroundings- the top of a tree branch. She screamed, banged her head on the tree trunk, suffered a concussion and promptly fainted. Oh and did I mention? She somehow managed to fall off the branch. Joy. Shino just stood there. Sasuke yawned. Neji blinked. " Er, she just fell off right?" Shino asked.

" Ah." Sasuke and Neji confirmed, as they looked at the wimp-in-a-revolting-green-thing as it fell.

" And aren't you going to do something about that?"

" Nah." Both doujutsu users replied, sniggering at the small explosion of twigs and leaves.

" You know, because I don't care either way, so I'm going to use this to propel her up." Sasuke grinned evilly, lifting an explosive tagged kunai for all to see before promptly dropping it. A huge explosion took place, before a blackened, still unconscious Kagome flew up.

Neji got what Sasuke was trying to do and smirked. " And because she's so high up, I'll use another one to bring her down." He carelessly flicked a kunai, coated with explosive tags skywards, and a huge explosion sounded.

A crisp Kagome fluttered down, landing on Shino's head. " Thanks a ton." Shino glared at the 'geniuses'. Sasuke was forcing of a straight face. Neji was visibly tearing and chuckling. Shino unceremoniously dumped the wimp on the floor and flashed off. Neji and Sasuke stared at Kagome, then at Shino's retreating back, before their gazes landed on each other.

" Loser carries?" Sasuke suggested.

" Fine with me." Neji shrugged.

Then the both of them started yelling. " JAN-KEN-PON!" Sasuke's hand was curled into a fist, hovering below Neji's jaw. Neji's palm scraped Sasuke's nose in a wide-open Jyuuken stance. " Hah! I won! Sasuke carries the thing!" Neji grinned in glee, and practically skipped off, catching up with Shino.

" Damn." Sasuke cursed his misfortune. " I should have guessed. But sticking my fingers up his nose would be disgusting though..." Sighing, he grabbed the collar of Kagome's uniform, picked Shippo up by the tail, and began catching up to the happy emo-guys in front.

* * *

" Ey GUYS! Wait up!" Sasuke yelled. Neji and Shino stopped in their tracks.

" Hurry up! I'm worried about Hinata-sama!"

"I want to find that Naraku bastard quickly so that my Jer-Jers can incubate in peace!"

Then suddenly, both guys in the lead stopped complaining. What was that thing Sasuke was flailing around?

" Kuso, this stupid thing keeps getting stuck... It's so fat!" Sasuke whined and violently yanked Kagome out of a prickly thorn bush. Neji gulped. Shino sweat-dropped. Within an hour of journeying, Kagome was already sporting numerous cuts and bruises from all the slamming, tossing and dragging Sasuke did to her. They both blanched as Sasuke, in his haste to catch up with the two of them, sprinted forwards, and accidentally swung Kagome into a nearby tree. Nobody knew how he'd managed that.

" Okay, you know what? You keep this up and we might as well just kill her. Let's just...Let me carry her." Neji stammered, paler than usual. '_Am I the only sane gentleman here?_' He thought feverishly. '_That's not the way you treat a lady no matter how annoying she is!'_

" Really? Thanks Neji!" Chirped Sasuke, interrupting Neji's thoughts. With that, he dumped Kagome and Shino on the poor, gentlemanly, Hyuuga prodigy.

Neji sighed and picked Kagome up, put her on his back, and unceremoniously stuffed Shippo into Sasuke's arms. " I said I'd carry the girl. You carry the fluffy dirt rag."

" Fine..." Sasuke sighed, and brusquely stuffed Shippo, face-first, into his kunai pouch. The whole thing wouldn't fit through though, and Shippo's fluffy tail was dangling out of the now-overstuffed pouch. Sasuke gave up struggling to force the entire fluffy-ball in, and left it at there.

" You're lucky. Your fangirls aren't here." Shino told Neji as he watched the other adjusting Kagome on his back. The three started sprinting again.

Neji shuddered at the mere mention of the word 'fangirl'. " Yeah. But I'm comforted by the fact that Hinata-sama is not a fangirl."

Sasuke snorted. " Hinata, not a fangirl? Neji, you must be blind."

Neji started. " WHAT? HINATA-SAMA IS YOUR FANGIRL?!?!?!?"

" No..."

" Then Kiba's? Kuso, I'm going to skewer the mutt when I get back..."

" No, try again."

" Hmm...I think she has better tastes than to choose Shino..."

" Oei. What's that supposed to mean?"

" ...Don't tell me it's Chouji."

" No. It's not. Try again."

" Then... Then, Shikamaru?"

" No... He's with Temari, stupid."

" Masaka... I know, it's Gaara!"

" NO, STUPID! They've never even talked!"

" Then?!"

Neji was close to yanking out his silky, pristine, smoothly conditioned hair. Sasuke sighed in exasperation. " Okay. Let's just drop that topic, seeing as you're too dim for it." He paused for moment before speaking up again, with a change of focus in the conversation. "You're fanclub is so much smaller. Shino is the luckiest. He doesn't _have_ a fanclub."

Shino shook his head. " I have a couple of stalkers. Aburames, actually."

Neji nodded. " Mine all want to play with my hair. Actually, I have NO idea why." He shook his head so his silky locks caught the light and swung it back, the lustrous mane falling back into place. Sasuke sweat-dropped. " Well I know one person with no fanclub." Neji said confidently. " NARUTO! Hah! He's so annoying that-"

Sasuke laughed. Neji had unknowingly broached their previous topic again. " He does have a fanclub. Like a one-man club, but yeah. It's a club. "

Neji's eyes widened. He'd never heard of this before! " Can that even be considered a fanclub?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. " Yeah, although she doesn't really say anything about it. In fact, she hardly talks."

Neji snapped his fingers and you can practically see the light bulb blinking above his head. " It's Tenten, right?"

" Er, no, she's in your fanclub, remember?"

" You don't have to do that, you know."

" Well, I was just speaking the truth..."

" I was just trying to comfort myself."

" Riiight..." Sasuke blinked. Neji was really dense when it came to stuff about romance.

" Okay...I know! It's Sakura!" Neji yelled, with the ' I have been enlightened' face on. " I mean, she's always bashing him up..."

" Neji, sad as it sounds, she's in mine."

" Oh, then Ino!"

" Taken."

" Err... err... Kurenai-sensei?"

" Asuma, remember? Besides, isn't she a bit too old?"

" Anko!"

" Creepy! Why would she of all people be in a fanclub?"

" Er... Whatishername, that youkai taijiya from just now?"

" If you mean the one with the cat, no, she just met us today, remember?"

" Then...Shizune?"

" She's so old. No."

" Er... Then..." Neji screwed his face up trying to think of anyone else near Naruto. Shino sighed. This was going to take awhile.

* * *

The sun soon dipped close to the horizon. Neji was still guessing.

" Hanabi." He said, randomly pulling out a name from his head.

" No. She doesn't know him. But you're close."

Neji's eyes grew wide. Sasuke and Shino smiled knowingly. Neji finally found out...

" Masaka! HIASHI-SAMA?! Noooooo!!! Hiashi-sama, I didn't know you were... you were... g-ggg-ggga...gaaa, gggggggaaaayyyyyy-"

Shino and Sasuke immediately slipped off the branch they were currently standing on. In a split second, they were up again. " NO, STUPID!!!!"

" Well, I know it's not me... so..."

" Why would Naruto want you in his fanclub? You'd probably kill him or something."

" Yes, I would."

" Then?"

" Okay...That leaves us with one person. Maybe, maybe it's..."

Sasuke and Shino sighed. This is ridiculously taking too long. " Have you figured it out?"

" Yes. It's that pig that Shizune has, Tonton, right?"

Sasuke and Shino fell off the branch again.

" CHIIGAAU!!!" They screamed. " You know what?! Just forget this entire matter, Neji! Just forget it!" Sasuke yelled, after climbing back up the branch. He'd finally snapped. He couldn't take this idiocy any longer! "The answer is so obvious, you don't have to blink to guess it, but Neji, you must be the most densest person on the earth NOT to notice it!"

" S-Shut up! I think it got it!" Neji cried.

Sasuke and Shino glared at him through weary, baggy-panda eyes. " Who?"

" I-I...Izumi!" Neji said, looking proud of himself for his discovery.

" Who's that?"

" Naruto's orange frog summon."

" Neji. Do you really think Naruto's that desperate until he has to enlist his own summons into his fanclub?"

" Yes! No! Maybe..."

" OBVIOUSLY NOT!"

" But...but I can't think of anyone else besides..."

" What? A random boar in the forest?"

" No! Sakura's slug! You know, that pink one..."

" You know what Neji? Just forget it."

" Aha! I'm right!"

" In your dreams you're right, BAKA."

" Hmmm...how about Toushio?"

" No... Snakes eat random orange blobs."

" Then how about Jeremy the 80th?"

" Er, no, my Jeremys are not gay."

" Then how about Jer-Jer the... the 18th?"

" She's married. I mean, she has a mate." Shino said. " The remaining are all devoted to me, so don't ask." He continued before Neji even had a chance to open his mouth.

" Okay, fine..." Neji grumbled, still pondering on Naruto's lone fan.

And just when they thought it couldn't get any worse, Kagome woke up and started screeching, trashing and almost strangling Neji. " Aaaaah!!! I'm falling! Save me, hot shinobi guys!!! Aaaah!!!"

" SHUT UP!" All three guys snapped in unision, tired of this repetitive act.

" You know, even if you're on my back, I can still Jyuuken you, so SHUT UP!"

" I don't care if you're on Neji's back. I'll still Katon you to death, so SHUT UP!"

" If you don't shut up, I'll set Jeremy the 59th on you, so SHUT UP!"

" Er, Shino, you're being repetitive."

" Yeah. I am. Shut up Neji, or I'll set Jer-Jer the 96th on you."

" Why did I get a Jer-Jer?"

" I don't know, her request."

" Damn, now I have another fan. A fricking bug."

"..."

Kagome was startled. All three guys yelled at her. All three guys told her to shut up. All three guys gave her the cold shoulder. A bubbling emotion, long suppressed, fought its way out. " KYAAAA!!! Now you're just playing hard to get! KAWAIIIIIII!!!" She squealed, hugging herself in delight as her fangirl genes got the better of her.

Simultaneously, all three guys smacked themselves on the forehead and dragged their hands downwards. Why were they, the Konoha's elite Rookie 3 stuck with this... this... abomination and insult to the intelligence of mankind?!

They all glared at Kagome, who promptly blushed, muttered something about sexual harassment and buried her face into Neji's back. Neji, startled and somewhat disgusted, dropped her immediately. Without hesitation, the shinobis carried on, as it nothing had ever happened.

* * *

" You know, suddenly I feel a lot lighter." Neji commented out of the blue. The shinobis were cruising along effortlessly, hopping on branches.

" It seems so much quieter too." Shino added.

Sasuke nodded mutely. " No arguments, no random screaming, screeching mess and no guessing. Just silence."

Neji sighed happily. This must be what people call pure bliss! Suddenly, Sasuke halted in his tracks. He straightened up, confused. " Well, I definitely remember there was something fat, green and noisy with us."

Neji blinked. " You mean that?" He pointed behind Sasuke. A huge, green, fat praying mantis, three times as tall as Lee (the beanpole of all shinobis) stood behind Sasuke, it's claws almost touching his neck.

Sasuke blinked. The mantis stared, and started squealing. Sasuke yelped and jumped backwards, the same time Shino started forwards, and let loose a huge Katon, blackening the mantis and part of his face.

" That was HUGE." He muttered, disbelievingly. Where the hell did THAT come from?! As soon as those words left his mouth, the mantis, now blackened, smoking, and perfectly barbequed, stood up. Sasuke instinctively took a battle stance. Before both Sasuke and Neji could get over the shock of the absurdity of the situation they were in, Shino was already cheering for the mantis.

" Go, go, JEREMY the 10364th! He was waving banners and flags, and had on a 'Go MANTIS!' tee with customary scarf and somehow, a hood. The other two shinobis sweatdropped.

" I thought the Jememys were _kikaichuus_." Neji said.

" Shino! I can't believe you're siding with that huge green fat thing1" Sasuke yelled across the branch, feeling slightly betrayed. " Neji, take my side!"

" ...And what exactly do you want me to do?" Neji drawled.

" Rival Shino in cheering! I won't be outdone by a BUG!"

" You asked for it. Henge!" After a few handseals, a perfect copy of Naruto stood at the spot Neji once stood. " Sasuke-teme! Go for it and get your butt whipped by that slimy green thing!" Naruto-Neji yelled.

"... Neji, that's not helping my ego." Sasuke said, eyebrows twitching in annoyance. The replication was so perfect to the point that it was pissing Sasuke off.

" OEI! Sasuke-teme! The green thing's coming! Get him! Bash the teme! Muahahahahaha!!" Naruto, sorry, I mean Neji henged as Naruto screamed.

Sasuke whirled around. To his great shock, Shino was now riding the mantis, perched between its feelers, and holding up a flag as if it were a sword. " En garde!" Shino yelled, poking Sasuke in the ribs with the flag.

Sasuke glared at Shino. " So am I supposed to be fighting the mantis or you?!" he yelled, the ridiculousness of the situation made him snap completely. He paused. "Why the hell am I fighting a fricking mantis in the first place anyways?! Aren't we supposed to be searching for some green fat thing we dropped?!"

Shino did not bother replying Sasuke's rant verbally; he simply yanked one of the mantis' feelers backwards until its eyeball almost popped out, and directed it forwards towards Sasuke.

" Damn you Shino!" Sasuke managed to yelled out before diving out of the manits' rampage. The mantis swerved sharply with 'aid' from Shino's manical yanking, did a three-sixty, its eyes glowing an eerie red (probably because of the Aburame's rough wrenching).

Neji-henged-as-Naruto screamed 'supportively'. " Sasuke-teme! Up, no, down, no, left! Right! Left again! Err, right! RIGHT! No, behind you! Argh whatever, just run yourself into the mantis!" He cried as he 'helpfully' directed Sasuke _INTO _the path of the rampaging mantis.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and faced the mantis with Shino on his head, using its feelers as joysticks to direct it around. " Shino! Prepare yourself!" He yelled, activating his sharingan and chidori nageshi. Shino in reply, yanked the feelers upwards, making the mantis rear. The mantis charged. Sasuke charged.

The next thing everyone knew was a huge Sasuke-sized hole, clean through the mantis. A kind of green, slimy looking goo dripped from its wound. The mantis writhed, twitched and squealed, as Shino continued yanking desperately on its feelers. Sasuke was covered in mantis goo, completely encased in the green, gooey and completely disgusting substance.

" What is this stuff?" Sasuke snorted, disgusted. Covered from head to toe in mantis goo, he looked like an ideal swamp monster, with his sharingan active. The mantis, with Shino STILL on its head, squealed and reared for the last time, before falling on its back legs, squealing, shuddering and squeaking. Though faintly now.

" Shut up or I'll run another hole through you." Sasuke informed the already dead mantis. Neji released the henge and sweatdropped.

The mantis fell with a large thud on the thickest branch of the tree, the Sasuke-shaped hole in its chest visible from where it lay. Shino stood at the tree branch and looked down in horror at his most recently acquired Jeremy.

" Back to what we were doing..." Sasuke cleared his throat before continuing. " Neji, where's the OTHER green fat thing?" Saskue snapped, the mantis slime already collecting into a puddle at his feet.

" Oh, I remember now. It has the faintest chakra sign of any human. It's a rancid pink, actually." Neji muttered, and activated his byakugan. " No wonder we didn't find it. There. About 80 meters north-east."

Ssauke took a look at the evil-aura-covered Shino. " I'll go get it." He quickly volunteered, more than happy to get away from Shino and his jeremys.

Shino was stooping next to Jeremy the 10364th, prodding it. " Jeremy, wake up." He whispered. A thin trickle of tears fell onto the dead mantis. " Jeremy..."

Sasuke edged away. Now he was convinced. Shino was NUTS.

" Sasuke." Shino eerily whispered. " I will avenge Jeremy the 10364th."

Sasuke snorted. " Keh. Whatever." And with that, he made the ultimate mistake. He kicked Jeremy the 10364th off the branch. CASUALLY.

Shino froze. Neji chortled at his expression. Shino was suppressing large tears and mucus was trickling from his suddenly exposed nostrils. " JEREMY!!!!" Neji had to grab hold of his 'I love mantis' shirt in order to prevent him from jumping off. Sasuke sweatdropped, backpedaling away from the scene. _Crap..._ he furiously thought.

" NOOOO!!!! JEREMYYYYY! COME BAAAAAAAACK!!!" Shino cried. "Remember the fun we had together?? JEREMYYYY!!!!" He wailed, as various flashbacks played in his mind's eye.

_Him patting the huge mantis on the head..._

_The mantis snuggling up to him _

_The time where he was all alone and the mantis came to him..._

_The time where they were chasing each other, laughing happily..._

" Shino. Shut up. And since when did all that happen? And aren't we supposed to be heading to the vile green thing? Why are we still here?" Neji said with increasing hysteria. He turned to Sasuke. " Go get her. I'll take care of bug-boy here."

Sasuke nodded his slime-covered head and sped off.

* * *

Kagome was scared. Well, she always was, but in her opinion, this was the scariest moment of her life. She was all alone in a forest and except for Shippo, who'd make a good catapult, she had no other defenses. That was not all. An ominous silence hung over her and a faint cry of some wild animal keening for a certain dead Jeremy the 10364th could be heard in the far off distance. She gulped.

" Ah. There you are." Came a voice from behind her. She slowly turned.

There, to her horror, stood a great blob of slime with evil red eyes and a menacing voice. Kagome thus did the only thing could do. She screamed. " OHMYGAWD!!! THE EVIL GREEN LORD OF BLOBINESS HAS COME TO CLAIM MY VIRGIN SOUL!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

Sasuke blinked. What on earth was this stupid thing in green screaming about? He glared at her. She shrieked and fainted. Sasuke sighed. Well, at least his job will be much easier with her unconscious. " Well, whatever. Let's just get her back to the others." He muttered, rolled his eyes at her pathetic-ness, hauled her over his shoulders, and stalked off, leaving a gooey and slimy trail behind.

* * *

Meanwhile, Shino was setting up various traps around the perimeter of where he and Neji were. The poor guy was chuckling madly. He had lost it. His grip on his sanity, I mean.

Neji sighed and rubbed his temples. Hanging about were an assortment of catapults, levers and exploding tags. Thank god Neji confiscated all of Shino's pointy shinobi weapons, or Sasuke'd be in deep shit, I mean, bug goo. Well, literally speaking, he already was. Neji glanced over at the mantis. The bug goo was spreading. He sighed. " This'll get me dirty. But the least I could do is bury the dead, right?" he thought, and with that in mind, he took up a shovel and begin digging a gigantic pit. Don't bother asking where he got the shovel from.

Shino laughed crazily. " FINALLY! My comrade, we shall dig! And trap the Jeremy killer! A.K.A! The Bloody Stupid Annoying Noisy UCHIHA!"

Neji sighed again. " What have I done to fate to deserve this?"

* * *

" I'm back. With the green thing. And the fluff ball." Sasuke dutifully reported once he hopped back into camp. It was deserted. " Err, guys?" He said, stepping forwards. Out of nowhere, a rock launched into his face. Casually tilting his head to once side, he easily evaded to projectile and continued calling for Neji and Shino. " Ey, guys!" he yelled, moving forwards. A whole handful of larger rocks came pelting down. Carelessly swinging Kagome upwards, he used her as a convenient shield. The rocks bounced off bountiful crops of stomach fat harmlessly. Sasuke made a mental note that Kagome was actually USEFUL as a human shield.

" Guys!" he yelled, exasperated. A deep rumbling sounded. Sasuke looked to his right. A huge boulder was rolling his way. Stepping nimbly three feet to the side, he continued on searching. The boulder rolled on harmlessly, rumbling behind him.

" Dammit, GUUUYS!!!" He yelled, getting pissed. A huge creaking sound, followed by hundreds of tiny cracks, then a huge splintering noise. A deep earth-shaking rumbling. A huge avalanche of rocks tumbled downwards towards Sasuke. The Uchiha blinked. Just before the rocks reached him, he, in all his glorious green sliminess, leaped upwards, avoiding every last pebble.

" CURSES!!!" Shino screamed from behind a nearby shrub where he and Neji hid, biting his nails in frustration and anger. " The evil Jeremykiller avoided every one of my brilliant traps!!!"

Neji sighed. " For the last time, Shino. Can we go now?"

" Fine." Shino muttered. Neji got up, brushed himself off, and began dragging Shino back to where they were supposed to be waiting for Sasuke.

" Sasuke, we're here." Neji called, dropping down right behind a pissed off Sasuke.

" Finally!" Sasuke huffed impatiently and swerved around blindly to face the Hyuuga, swinging Kagome as well, and accidentally whacked Neji, splattering mantis goo all over the Hyuuga.

Neji's -somewhat- good mood flew out of the window at once. He stared in horror at his now gooey green sleeve. " SASUKEEEE!!!" Neji yelled, voice heavily tinged with fury, snapping at the sight of the state his sleeve was in. " H-HOW DARE YOU MUTILATE MY CLEAN STERILIZED HYUUGA-CLAN ROBE!!!" he roared.

Sasuke and Shino blinked at the steaming Hyuuga, who was so irate that his byakugan was activated. Well, this was new. They knew that Neji was clean freak, but never to this extent. The two off them glanced at each other.

Sasuke scraped up a ball of goo from his clothes and tossed it with blinding accuracy towards Neji. And the Hyuuga, who was too blind with rage, did not notice the ball flying towards him- and did not dodge in time- got a face full of mantis goo. Neji slowly swiped away the green guck covering his face. " _**Uchiha... Sasuke...**_"

Without waiting for a reply, Sasuke took one look at the Hyuuga and sprinted away.

* * *

Neji was pissed. No, he was pissed-pissed. No. He was PISSED, MAD, ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, DEVILISH, and completely FILLED with hate for a certain person. Namely Uchiha Sasuke. He was foaming at the mouth, steaming at the ears, and completely red in the face. He, the always pristine and perfectly sparkly clean Hyuuga prodigy got a splotch of mantis goo on his sleeve. A HUGE splotch of mantis goo with twigs and leaves suspended in it. With Uchiha Sasuke's death written all over it.

" UCHIHA SASUKE!!! YOU...YOU...YOU FEAKING DIRTIED ME! YOU WIMPY SHARINGAN DUMPSTER! YOU COWARDLY ARSE! YOU...YOU...YOU STICK INSECT!!!" Neji screamed madly, razing through the forest in search of the one and only Uchiha Sasuke.

Sasuke gulped as his heard Neji's wild cry from a kilometer behind. " Aw shit." He muttered to himself nervously, and increased the strength of his camouflage genjutsu and backpedaled. " Okay, now I'm regretting it...ARRRGH!" He yelled as he suddenly missed his footing and slipping on his own green slime, he fell into a waiting puddle of deep, rich, squishy mud, smack in the path of a rampaging Neji.

" Shit, Neji, NO!" Sasuke shouted, trying to warn the Hyuuga of the puddle.

" SASUKE!!!!" Neji screamed, eyes on the prize and disregarding Sasuke's shouts completely.

A huge splat was heard.

Hyuuga Neji stopped in his tracks, his pale eyes wide. He had a huge glob of mud dangling off his robes. He stared, with jaws open at Sasuke. Sasuke held a pose, one like he just threw something. The mud on his hand dripped soundlessly back into the mud puddle. Neji's splotch of mud slid down gooiely, leaving a brown trails on his robes, and fell with a wet squelch on the ground.

" **UCHIHA SASUKE!!!!"**

Neji jumped into the puddle and made his way to Sasuke. The latter tried to back away, but fell flat on his back in the mud. " Ahh, wait, Neji, er, I'll do your laundry okay? I'll clean them all, okay? Err, err... I'll errr..." Sasuke stuttered as Neji slowly approached.

" Too late. " Neji smiled venomously. Sasuke chocked as Neji held him in a strangle hold. " You stupid Uchiha! Don't you realize how important clean clothes are? Huh? Huh?! You stupid Uchiha!!!" Neji cackled manically as he strangled Sasuke and waved him around by the collar.

Shino could not resist not joining in. " Go Neji! KILL THE JEREMYKILLER! Throttle him to death! Avenge our brethren! GO!" he cried, waving an 'I LOVE HYUUGA NEJI' flag. And Neji, who would once scorn and snort at Shino's suggestion, obliged all too happily and tightened his grip on the Jeremykiller's throat. Sasuke wasn't ready to go down too easily though.

The two tossed and struggled and tried to punch each other and finally fell into the pool of mud, with a loud splash. Sasuke immediately bust out, with the previous green glob he had accumulated from Jeremy the 10364th made him look like a swamp monster. He got into battle stance, expecting an explosion from the Hyuuga. None came. Sasuke loosened his pose. " ...Neji?"

Sasuke, sensing that something was wrong, plunged his hands into the muck and groped blindly, finally managing to pull a limp Neji out. The Hyuuga's eyes were glazed over and he was muttering incoherent words under his breath. He was in shock from the impact of being immersed from head to toe in mud. Not even one hair on his body was spared.

Sasuke shook the Hyuuga harder. " Neji? Neji? Are you alright?"

Neji looked up and blinked. What swam into focus in his sight was another version of a garbage monster from 'spirited away'. And that slime ball was advancing on him. Neji, the clean freak, couldn't stand the gross situation he was in anymore. He spurted out a pool of blood and fell into a deep faint.

* * *

Sasuke cursed. Who's brilliant idea was it to come here? Oh wait, that was his fault. At least he got Neji clean. Dangit. He moodily stomped back to the river, picking up bits and pieces of twigs and leaf litter in his still present and very disgusting muck. Swearing under his breath, he smacked aside a branch- which promptly got stuck in his muck- and saw his salvation. The river. " Finally." He muttered darkly, hopping in and beginning to wash off the mud.

Cursing lighty, he took off his completely mud soaked shirt and begin scrubbing it and himself. Then he stopped and sniffed the air. " Graveyard soil? Clay pots?" he though and heighten his senses. He felt a faint chakra sign approaching, and abruptly began washing again. Probably just another weirdo.

Then, from the trees, a miko emerged, black tresses billowing and yucky white thingies floating around her head. She stared at Sasuke. Sasuke blinked.

" Uh, cosplayer, I'm sort of busy, so buzz off." Sasuke said absently, and continued scrubbing himself clean. The miko did not move. " Buzz off, cosplayer." Sasuke snapped, getting annoyed. What was she, a fangirl? Why the hell was she staring at him like that?! " FOR GOD'S SAKE, HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A GUY TAKING A BATH IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE?! WHAT ARE YOU? A CLAY POT?!" Sasuke yelled, snapping the fine thread that connected his mind to his patience.

The miko blinked. " Clay pot?" she said in a strangely flat voice. " I'm made of clay."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. " I could tell."

The miko stood up straighter, eyes narrowing. " I'm Kikyo. Your name is?"

Sasuke sighed at the formalities. " Uchiha Sasuke."

" What are you doing in such a forest, Sasuke-san?"

" Addressing me as Uchiha-_sama_ is greatly appreciated. And can't you tell? I'm bathing."

" What are you doing in this forest?"

" That's none of your business. Hey, you're a clay pot right?"

" I'm made of clay, yes."

" Perfect! We can have a drink tonight! Come with me."

And no sooner had he said that, Kikyo found herself completely bound and being swung over a nonchalant shoulder. " Put me down!" she cried.

Sasuke completely ignore her struggling and effortlessly hopped through the trees on thick branches, speeding back to camp. " Oei! Neji! Is this pot hollow?" he yelled through the thick canopies.

' _He's ignoring me. Let's see how he ignores me when I do this!'_ Kikyo thought, before letting out a burst of spiritual energy. Sasuke blinked. " Nice. A pot with torchlight functions! Guess we won't need a campfire tonight! Self-heating! Sweet..." he whistled. Kikyo gapped. What was this bishonen? Crazy, or just powerful? " Neji!" he yelled.

As they emerged into a clearing, she saw two other guys, one in a hood and another in a white robe. She blinked. All of them were in a word, emo. Kikyo shrugged it off. Not as if she wasn't.

" Oei, Neji, check if she's hollow." The boy carrying her haughtily demanded. The long-haired boy, presumably Neji, nodded resentfully and quite suddenly, veins bulged around his eyes. " Yeah. She's hollow." He confirmed, looking somewhat surprised. The hooded guy sat there quietly, ignoring her, as well as the guy carrying her. Oh well.

* * *

Sasuke briskly untied the miko. Kikyo blinked. " What now?" she asked her 'captors' flatly, looking ruffled. She knew her chances of running away were slim, and thus, she had no choice but to oblige with their demands for the moment until she found an escape route. But what did they what with her anyway? They've only just met. Sasuke ignored her completely.

Neji glared at Sasuke. " What is she? A talking clay pot or something?"

" Excuse me, but I think there must have been some sort of misunderstanding here. I'm not a clay po-" Kikyo began but the two boys ignored her and carried on with their conversation instead.

Sasuke smirked. " That's where you're wrong, Neji! She's not _just_ a pot. She talks and has a built in flashlight and heating system!" he happily told the Hyuuga.

Kikyo, not standing their disregard to her any longer, began steaming at the ears. She was NOT a clay pot!

" Oh, and look! She boils!" Sasuke exclaimed gleefully.

Neji smirked, and turned his attention to Kikyo. " Ey, if you're that good, go fill yourself up with water and necessary ingredients and make us soup, eh!" he grinned happily. He wouldn't have to cook dinner tonight! Shino nodded in agreement.

Sasuke sneered and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. " Get going now, miko."

Kikyo bristled. " How many times do I have to tell you. I. AM. NOT. A. BLOODY. CLAY. POT."

Neji blinked. " Okay, we get it. You're not a bloody clay pot; you're a really pretty one, okay? So get your butt going."

No sooner had he said that, the lump that was Kagome (Shino was sitting on her) woke up and started screaming. All eyes turned to her. She froze as she realized that there was an extra pair. " Kikyo? What are you doing here?" she asked.

" I should be asking the same to you." Kikyo replied, slightly annoyed. " What are you doing with them? Where are your other traveling companions?" she advanced on Kagome, intending on finding out answers from the girl.

" OH NO! THE EVILWITCH OF SILVER WORM THINGIES HAS COME TO CLAIM MY VIRGIN SOUL!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!" Kagome screamed, yet again, and promptly fainted from excessive shock to her puny mind.

Kikyo twitched slightly. " I'm going to boil some soup." She said stiffly and walked off, a sort of rope/leash thing collared her neck somehow. Neji gave a grunt and started prodding the flames with a stick, adding in dry twigs and branches to fuel it. Sasuke yanked on the trailing bit of 'Kikyo-leash' inattentively. No OOCness. Just three emo guys staring moodily into the fire. And staring. And staring. And STARING.

After a full ten minutes, Sasuke broke the stillness by twitching slightly. Two pairs of sullen eyes turned to him. Sasuke shrugged. " What?" Neji and Shino slowly turned away. The trio resumed their 'stare-at-the- fire-until-nutty-miko-woman-came-back' competition.

In a few minutes, Kikyo melted into sight, Sasuke's makeshift leash still on her neck. " Soup is ready. Don't touch me. I'm hot." Three pairs of eyebrows simultaneously raised. Kikyo quickly amended. " I mean, as a result of the soup inside me being hot, my body, which is made of clay, has also gained heat." Shino turned away in acceptance. Neji and Sasuke nodded curtly once and went back to staring into the fire, holding out their bowls for the miko to fill.

Kikyo gestured for them to hand over their bowls. Sasuke was the first to do so. And to the surprise and disgust of everyone in the clearing- including Kagome, who had just woke up as well- Kikyo opened her mouth and vomited some clear looking liquid into the bowl. Literally retching, she had managed to fill the large bowl. After doing which, she spat out a few large chunks of potato, meat, and other ingredients. " ...Right. Err, thanks...I guess..." Sasuke looked at his bowl and cringed slightly.

Shino, who was second in line, immediately made to withdraw his bowl, but Kikyo quickly snatched it away, and snorted the same liquid into the bowl, somehow managing to dig out the same ingredients from her nostrils. Shino winced from behind his hooded clothes and glasses.

Neji nervously held out his spotless and polished bowl. Kikyo accepted it, and surprisingly started crying into the bowl. Neji gulped. " For some apparent reason, I'm beginning to think that we made her cry. And I'm starting to feel guilty." Neji said, somewhat shakily.

" Okay, I'm out of creative ideas, so Kagome, your bowl." Kikyo stuck her hand out.

Kagome clutched her bowl tightly. " Hehe...K-Kikyo, it's fine, I'm uh, not really hungry or anything..." She stuttered.

" Your BOWL, please."

Kagome surrendered her bowl. Kikyo took it and sauntered off. " wait one moment. I'm going to take a quick piss." Kagome grew white. The three shinobi, however, chocked back on their laughter, though none of then touched anything in their own bowls.

In less than two minutes, Kikyo came back with a full, steaming bowl of soup. Actually smiling, she handed it to Kagome. Still smiling- looking rather creepy as she did so- Kikyo turned towards the group expectantly. " Well? Eat up."

The group stared uncomfortably at their bowls.

This was going to be a loooooong night.

* * *

**CHAPTER END! YATTA!**

We're really, really sorry for the long wait, but we're sort of hoping that the length, as well as the crackiness of this chapter has (somewhat) made up for it!

Well... who says that you have to be super brash and loud like Naruto in order to give good crack? Team Akai Ito here has just did it (with help from Kagome and Jeremy the 10364th), so what can we say?

P.S, An omake was added at the previous chapter, so those who haven't read it yet, please go check it out!

P.P.S, No offense was meant to name Jeremy and Jer-Jer. There were just random names we randomly picked up.

P.P.P.S, No offense the fangirls of the respective emo-boys in this story. It was unfair to bash Kagome alone, so we bashed everyone up along with her (oh, but we did bash her up harder, though). As a matter of fact, we're Neji and Sasuke fangirls as well. Really.

P.P.P.P.S, INUYASHA-THE FINAL ACT, EPISODE 3 HAS COME OUT! BANZAI! Those who have yet to watch it yet, go check it out now!

P.P.P.P.P.S, As another apology to for the lateness of this chapter, we have added TWO omake for this chapter! Enjoy!

* * *

*** OMAKE SPECIAL 2!***

" Er...er... Kikyo!" Neji shouted, exasperated.

Sasuke smacked himself in the face. " No idiot, they've never even met!"

Neji's eyebrows furrowed in concentration. " Then... Kirara!"

Sasuke sweatdropped. " A cat?"

Neji thought harder. " Ahhh... Hokage-sama! Right? Right?"

Sasuke covered his eyes, massaging it tiredly. " No, stupid. You better make sure the Hokage doesn't hear you say that.

Neji tried again. " Er... then that only leaves me with one person..."

" Who?" Shino and Sasuke simultaneously sighed at Neji's stupidity.

" YOU, Sasuke!"

There was a pause. Then Shino snickered and Sasuke gagged and chocked on his spit.

"HELL NO! YOU RETARD! No matter how my name looks, I. Am. Not. GAY! And even if I was, Naruto will be the last person on earth I will be with! Must I also remind you that the authoresses DON'T do YAOI!? IDIOT!!!!" Sasuke yelled, almost ripping out his precious Uchiha hair.

And as the two started bickering (again), Shino sighed. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, that's for sure. And he was proved right when a katon from an enraged Sasuke incinerated a nearby tree.

" DAMN YOU NEJI!!!!" Sasuke screamed. " DAMN YOU AND YOUR DENSE BLOCK OF WOOD OF A HEAD!!!! DAMN YOU!!!"

*** END OMAKE SPECIAL 2!***

**

* * *

**

* OMAKE SPECIAL 3!*

The curtains on the stage drew open. Team Akai Ito stood on the stage, lined up in a straight line, ready to perform. Kagome began mindlessly banging on her miniature tambourine. Neji, Sasuke, and Shino, with Kikyo in the center, began going through some robotic dance movements stiffly. Kikyo began singing in her flat voice to the tune ' I'm a little teapot'.

" _I'm a miko clay pot, my body can't rot._

_So don't you dare touch me, cuz I am hot._

_When the soup is boiling, fear me not._

_I'm not another brainless robot._"

There was no clapping but only shocked silence from the gaping audience as the curtains fell down. Inuyasha's splutterings from the back of the room broke the silence soon after though.

*** END OMAKE SPECIAL 3!***

* * *

...yeah. Guess you're all pretty much speechless due either to shock or because you're having laughing fits on the floor right now.

Well, anything to comment on (favourite scenes, catch lines, etc), suggestions for improvement, or even random ramblings, feel free to include in your reviews. But no flaming please, we get enough of that from Sasuke already. Other than that, REVIEW!

Look forward to our next chapter (Don't worry, we will DEFINITELY publish it)- TEAM CANINE!

Thanks for your support!

Ja ne!

yuzukisakura1994.


End file.
